Stop Trying to Make Them Love You

Samuel discusses methods of self love and self care in an effort to defeat codependency.

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One word - POWERFUL! Just

One word - POWERFUL! Just what I needed to hear today - I am feeling weak and needed a pep talk to stay the course and most importantly work on myself. I can relate to looking to my spouse to save me - and I acknowledge that I need to save myself through God. It is tough tough work. And I know it is the right choice. I am so thankful for your videos and that you share your wisdom.

so glad it helped

brandsn, thanks so much for the encouragement here my friend.  means a ton and so glad it helped you.


Needed this....

I have listened to this a few times and need to really let it sink in... I know this is what I need to do... my husband can't or won't let go of his AP... they work together and he is her boss. So he would not only have to "break-up" with her but also fire her. He is not willing to do that... not sure if it is out of fear or because he loves her... he says he doesn't want to be married but hasn't filed or moved out... hoping to find the strength to push the envelope... I need to take care of me....

This was so true for me (I'm

This was so true for me (I'm the unfaithful). The only problem is now that my husband became all about him and now is telling me my attempts are "too late" and he built himself back up no thanks to me. I'm just now doing my recovery work about a year later after full disclosure about a week ago. While everyday is still different, he keeps leaning towards giving up on us. Any advice on how not to chase the betrayed but help him believe I truly want him and prove I deserve him.


queenz, thanks for watching and commenting.  i'm glad you're here.  so if i hear you right, it's been a year of recovery work.....but full disclosure only a week ago is that right?  with full disclosure only being a week ago, i'm not sure he's going to hear much right now.  he probably needs time to process through the details and to digest it all.  i think you would want to error more on the pursuit side than the lean back and let him chase you side.  he will need his space, but not having full disclosure till a week ago is going to put him in a raw place and he's probably still reeling.  i would slowly pursue him and see if you can continue to be strategic on how to show your desire to reconcile yet you'll allow it to take as long as it needs to. the unf need to be willing to go through the process for as long as it takes for them to heal.  could be weeks could be months, maybe even a year or so of uncertainty, but if you're really feeling compelled to save the relationship i would do all he allows you to do but be comfortable with the space between you when he's not feeling it. 


This keeps me strong

After months of setbacks and begging him to change, we had a final desperate and ugly fight and I sat down and realized how ridiculous it had become. Without tears or yelling or name calling for the first time in 10 years of marriage, I told him to leave and that my sanity, my recovery was more important to me and more important to the health of our children than keeping him home. He packed a bag with a couple of nights worth of clothes and I told him to go back and pack a bigger bag, that he was not ready to put my recovery before his relationship with his AP. After he left, I came across this blog post and felt so reassured in the decision I have made. I listen to it several times a day when I start to doubt my decision and feel those feelings of co-dependency creeping in. I go back and read the messages my unfaithful spouse sends me and he is still checking the boxes, hopefully, he will start to realize how destructive his behavior and choices are to our relationship but I am finally refusing to let them be destructive to me. I told him I want to go an EMS weekend so we will see...but if he chooses that he is not ready for recovery, I am finally ok with that. I am meeting with counselor weekly and am going to sign up for the online program through AR to help me be strong for a future with or without him. Thank you, my spouse said he has been listening to your blogs too...listening to Stephanie and your story seem to mimic ours even to the point where I am 3-4 months from the first DDay and this is the line in the sand. Please keep posting, Prayer, my kids and your blogs have gotten me through some of the most difficult days to see the light at the end of tunnel.

wonderful feedback

so glad you drew a line in the sand and stood your ground.  it's important to stick up for yourself my friend.  i'm so glad you did it.  stay strong and take it one day at a time.  i'm so glad the video blogs are helping you.  i'll be praying for you.


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