Face Your Fire: Tackling Fear in Recovery

Samuel offers perspective into handling and processing fear as an unfaithful or betrayed spouse.

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your annual reading list

Samuel, would you share your list of books on your annual reading list?

hi rwr...a few of them..

hey rwr.  so a few books i read every year are: (and most of them come from a faith perspective so my apologies if that is not the case with you) 

the god of all comfort, hannah whital smith

richard rohr, breathing under water

the seven principles for making marriage work, gottman

shattered dreams, larry crabb

humility by andrew murray 

that's my yearly and i'll have to think if i have forgotten any more.  

Thank you Samuel for sharing

Thank you Samuel for sharing your insights and encouragement to keep going. The fear that spouse will relapse or that it is worst than what you know has happened to me. After 22 months of dealing with one short affair, I now know he cheated most of my marriage and one affair spanned 25 years. About one month after this disclosure he started "pimping tenderness" following the same pattern of his last affair, being helpful and becoming a younger woman's hero. Obviously he didn't make a commitment to stay the course once he feared I would surely leave him due to the extent of his betrayal. He had just begun a men's recovery group and I could tell he was deteriorating emotionally. He didn't allow me to come up for air and I am now further hurt by his willingness to shoot me and then return to stab me with his new relationship (he did stop himself and confess but she is supposed to seek him at his workplace so he can help her find work and this can still happen since she doesn't know about his problem. He will not contact her to make sure she does not show up). After much denial and gaslighting he has finally acknowledged that he needed to feel good and validated and she provided that for him (same pattern). I am numb and everything he did and said before I am now certain was just manipulation and deceit. I am being courageous in that I am trying to heal alone now and not allowing any more attacks on my self esteem, sense of honor, on my emotions and mind. The last two years are now more betrayal, more to overcome and work through. This is 40 years I would have to work through with little help from him since he has little memory of timelines, etc. My fears have come true but I am so much stronger and knowledgeable and know I will make it one way or another. Thank you Samuel, your messages have been a godsend for me in understanding the pathology of betrayer and betrayed alike. Unfortunately because of his language issues those we sought to help us from the beginning did further damage and the pain with twists and turns has been unbearable at times. I think I have listened to everything you recorded in my efforts to understand. I pray God blesses you and Samantha (loved hearing from her!) for you will never know the times and ways you were the lifeline I needed in the darkest moments and I am sure there are many people out there who feel the same.

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