Samuel helps the betrayed spouse deal with regret and fear.
Samuel you were correct. This was a tough blog. I have listened to it 3 times. Since I have never heard Samantha's side of the story I won't comment on that part of the blog.
One point that I have to make, in my opinion, is that i feel the MAJOR reason people have affairs is a lack of a moral code. Most will admit that they agree affairs are wrong. Like Rick mentions often no one gets married thinking that they are going to have an affair. At some point the people that have affairs allow their moral compass to change, their values become compromised, and they allow the affair to happen. I agree with you Samuel that they are unhealthy.
It took me over a year to stop trying to figure out what I could have done better or different or whatever that might have prevented my husbands affairs. I realized his affairs where just that....HIS AFFAIRS....and they all started because of his lack of morals and his lack of value for the sanctity of our marriage. Also his lack of value for women that allowed him to use women to just meet what he saw as his needs with little or no regard for their needs.
So this is address for any of the betrayed people (male or female) that read the comments YOU DID NOT CAUSE THE AFFAIR. After my husbands first affair (I did not know at the time there had been an affair) he just left. Said marriage was not for him, it was not working the way he thought it should and he left. When he wanted to come back (again I did not know an affair had taken place) he had this long list of things that had to change in our home. Of course they were all pointing out what he said were flaws I had such as house not clean enough, not enough sex, we did not go out enough....You get the point...I was young, naive, with a baby and a new mortgage, so I met all his what I now see as demands. GUESS WHAT??? Yep he had another affair. Again I did not know. Looking back I knew something was going on, but never dreamed it was an affair. Fast forward 17 or so years and another affair....this is when I learned of all the affairs. Once I sat and really thought about it I realized his affairs where just that HIS AFFAIRS. His failure to uphold the moral code and values he claimed to have. Because if I caused the first affair with my lack of house keeping, sex, going out, and his list, then my correction of those behaviors would have PREVENTED the second affair. If your unfaithful spouse is saying I had an affair because you did A,B,C or because you did not do A, B, or C. Then they are NOT safe because they are still not looking at the root of the problem which is their own self.
Receive Blog Posts via Email
Expert. Over 20 years specializing in infidelity recovery helping 2,000+ couples. Watch Rick's Story
Stay informed. Hope-Now will occasionally inform you of changes to the site and new features!
Alumnus. Unfaithful. Doing his best with his 2nd chance in his marriage and life.
Alumnus. Betrayed. Trying to find his way back.
Alumna. Unfaithful. A broken and undeserving mess who is learning what real love looks like.
Alumna. Betrayed. Determined to be positive as I navigate the quagmire of recovery.
Alumna. Betrayed. A soul restored. Encouraging others to keep walking because there is a way through. Author of Keep Walking: 40 Days to Hope and Freedom After Betrayal
Alumna. Betrayed. Grateful for God's love and grace. Recognizing that with God as my priority, I will be okay no matter what.
Alumnus. Betrayed. No matter how long it takes or how hard it is, my wife is always worth it!
Alumna. Betrayed. Learning to love recklessly while I cross the monkey bars of recovery.
"You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." - C.S. Lewis
Alumna. Betrayed. Walking in obedience to God's direction and experiencing a richer life and Renewed marriage.
Alumnus. Unfaithful. Living life differently, enjoying my wife and family, and grateful for God’s love.
Alumna. Betrayed. Experiencing God's love after divorce. Celebrating the healing of myself and my identity.
Alumna. Betrayed. Continuing to fight for my marriage and my children.
Alumnus. Unfaithful. Living proof that seeking truth offers both incredible pain and amazing freedom.