Samuel thanks again, in my wife she did not show anger to me but from people how knew and talked with her at the time she was angry I found her old phone, she was angry we took the EMSO, I senced her anger but she did not display to me directly. The one thing she did show was a lack of trust in me. She is not at the stage with me now probably because with the exception of my only triggers and flooding at the same time I ne er showed her anger unless provoked by her which again were times I caught her in contact with her AP. But her anger was probably just below the surface. I fear she has just buried things and not trully delt with what happened, still can not talk about what happened. She is feeling much better then she has in a long time. And we have better marriage but I do have to find a way for her to be able to be open and honest with me. That may just bring out the anger. I would love for her to do the H4H if we could get a scholarship but my fear is she did not do very well in the EMSO so not sure if she will do well in the H4H. It is different we are well over a year past EMSO and she does admit she could use some help. It was tough at the time we did EMSO the other couple with the unfaithful wife dropped out and for the most part everyone in the group was pretty cold to each other not to mention the have all filed for divorce we are the only ones who have not do my wife felt strange there was no one else to reach out to and tjings would get very unconfortable at times on the calls, a lot of struggles I know it really made her feel very unconfortable.
David

Now that I understand this, what do I do with the knowledge? I understand the rejection/perceived rejection, what can I do now? I understand communicating respect, love and acceptance, but is there more to be learned here then just realizing that your spouse needs those things? How can one say I understand those feelings without either side getting the impression that the affair was at least somewhat justified because of this?