Why Spouse's Say, "It's Never Enough for You" - Part 3

Comments

Validation

Submitted by godismyanchor on Sun, 01/29/2017 - 22:21

Such a key word in the big picture in life. Having someone 'smile & nod', or say something patronizing or "whatever", are such deflators. Strength and resolve come from hope; hope is established when you feel somebody 'gets it'. When they have faith in you. Faith is built on solid ground/footing.
If I hear, "it's just not enough" I'll try to remember to look to see who feels like they are on shaky ground and reinforce them so they feel secure.
Thank you Samuel.

great to hear from you...godismyanchor

Submitted by Samuel on Mon, 01/30/2017 - 21:35

it's been a while since I heard from you. so great to see another comment. i hope you are well and doing great in your recovery? i know great can be a relative word. as you eluded to, insecurity is a trap door we all fall into often times. 'it's never enough for you' is a sign of great frustration in the heart and mind of our spouse when they say it. it's always indicative that more is going on than we see or understand. i hope you continue to gain ground. always grateful for your comments.

Still struggling just to hear the words I love you come from him

Submitted by Calling time of... (not verified) on Sat, 02/11/2017 - 13:19

Hello Samuel
thank you for these.
I had contacted you via Twitter and explained a brief bit of contention I was having after my husband's affair's - and part of the reasons I feel like I an having to do most of the work trying to rebuild the marriage that he devastated, alot of which is that I to still have to ask beg and plead just to be told that I'm loved. he refuses to say the words, and then will say - For instance just last night - he posted a picture of us with no caption to his Instagram page, after not communicating with me all day about the fact that I've been missing verbal and physical affirmations from him - and I had been begging for him to affirm me publicly as one of my love languages, but also just as any loving spouse would do! when I questioned why there was no caption under the picture, he immediately got defensive and he pulled those five words out of the bag : "why can't you be happy with anything I do or give" "you're just not happy with anything" and I said no, I'm not happy with the crumbs that you try to feed me - when on a daily basis I don't even hear the words "I love you" and have to actually fight about it?

When he says "it's never enough for me" I hear that he's really saying that I need to settle for whatever he's willing to give, which you know, if the cheating wasn't enough to show someone how unwanted they are - now I have to beg to be shown that I AM wanted? more than he wanted this betrayal?

I feel this is just heartbreakingly stupid

Amber (New!)

Alumna, Grateful Wayward. Strong believer in small group recovery and the power of sharing our faith, experience, strength, and hope in community. Miracles happen.

Norman (New!)

Alumnus, betrayed. Be a voice of encouragement for those in pain and navigating emotional trauma. The journey to healing can seem impossible, but don’t ever give up as there is a light at the end of that tunnel. Please show yourself compassion, grace, and love.

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What type of affair was it?

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