“Name It to Tame It” A Tool for Self Soothing in Affair Recovery

Dr. Dan Siegel introduced a phrase to help trauma survivors self-soothe entitled "Name it to tame it." It's vital we honestly name our emotions if we're going to find clarity, healing and ultimately self-compassion. The phrase isn't limited to self-soothing but also to helping our betrayed and unfaithful partners when they flood or are feeling immense triggers. While our own mental health is our responsibility, we can also use 'trauma-informed' keys to help others find healing. Survivors of infidelity and/or addiction are frequently bombarded by emotional upheaval, so finding a tool to help those in crisis is essential. "Name It to Tame It" is just that tool with life changing implications.

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This is a good tool, but I

This is a good tool, but I will say when my BS was flooding there is no way he would be able to be self aware like this. I was told many times "stop trying to be my therapist! "or "you are not my therapist!" when I'd ask how he was feeling and what else he may be feeling. So in the middle of a flood, someone isn't likely to respond positively to these kinds of questions about "what else are you feeling?". They can't change gears out of the trauma response that quickly.

Starts the conversation

I am a betrayed spouse, 13 months past D day. I like the idea of this tool to both 'lower the temperature' of the room and to allow for a chance to open up and start talking. Since communication between the Unfaithful and Betrayed can be strained (or non-existent), it seems like a good way to increase it, as well as learning to actively listen. Sometimes I find it difficult in the moment to convey how I'm feeling so perhaps this will help me find the words.

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-D, Texas