Samuel encourages those who are struggling to keep the momentum in their personal repair work.
What follows is the personal story of a betrayed spouse. We hope that her story provides hope and insight to your own personal journey, regardless if you share the same worldview and faith.
As my husband walked through the door, I immediately knew something was wrong. He was supposed to be on a plane to speak at a conference, but instead was home, looking at me when he said,
"We need to talk."
I had never seen that look in his eye, and I knew something was wrong.
As we stood looking at each other uncomfortably, I...
Samuel shares a necessary adjustment to early recovery work for those in crisis.
During college, I had five very close friends. After graduating, we all moved off to separate parts of the country and began to conquer our small piece of the world. As time went on, somehow, we all wound up marrying women that got along with one another. A few summers later, we all rented a beach house together for a week just to reunite. The trip was such a success it turned into an annual ritual. One we have all kept sacred for over a decade.
The first night of our yearly reunions we would gather on the beach to catch up...
I ask myself this question a lot. I guess it's more of a fear of mine than a question. In a rational state of mind I can answer this easily: of course not. Infidelity is a choice. No one put a gun to my head and made me cross the line. No one forced me to be unfaithful. And like the source for eye color or skin tone, I don't think there is a "ruin your spouse's life by having an affair" gene.
If you've done much reading...
Samuel discusses the sensitive topic of when betrayed spouses have affairs of their own.
Samuel discusses ways of finding support in recovery work.
"Should I stay or should I go? If I go, there will be trouble. If I stay, it will be double . . ." ~The Clash
I am a child of schoolhouse rock, a product of the age in which skate parks were invented, parachute pants were high fashion, and most of the girls I wanted to date had big hair and blue eye shadow. Lucky for me I made one of those beauties my wife. Rebellion for her in our southern catholic high school (yes, I see the irony . . . especially considering we...
Today my words come from a very insecure and needy place. Insecure because I'm trying hard to use words instead of behaviors to show how I feel and what I need. This "voice" seems childlike and continues to grow because it is still somewhat unfamiliar to me. My words might sound crazy but I promise I'm not a lunatic! My psychologist refers to me in "parts" like this, so I am going to do the same here today.
The needy part of this voice is the one I am most uncomfortable with. I have always hated and detested the needy part of me so I constantly...
Samuel shares insight on what the betrayed spouse can and should do when their unfaithful wont lead recovery efforts.
Samuel discusses a poignant topic in recovery work regarding the unfaithful spouse.
Samuel tackles a common question of betrayed spouses who are endeavoring to pursue their own healing.
I drive a relatively new truck so I found it especially frustrating to pull out of the dealership repair shop only to find my "check engine" light was on. Again. This was the 4th time in a month I had gone back to the same dealership for the same repair. My witty and wise 14-year-old daughter was enjoying my frustration when she asked,
"Why do you keep going back to the bad haircut place?"
"What?" I replied confused and irritated.
We are more than a year out from discovery. Some of the days have been very slow making me wonder if progress has been made. And although we now have more good days than bad, a small internal voice still occasionally asks, am I really changing?
While you, the betrayed, are trying to heal from what we, the unfaithful, have done to you, I also know you are ultimately waiting for redemption.
There are days my husband's anxiety seems to come out of nowhere. Of course I understand the root of the...
Samuel answers a viewers question on what to do when there are multiple relapses.
Samuel answers a viewers question on what you should do when you've lost respect for your unfaithful spouse.
Around age 10 or 11 they finally allowed us to steal bases in little league. This change transitioned the position of catcher from a simple filler spot that shagged stray pitches into an athletic position that saw action every play. I remember being pulled from the field and given the mitt. Game time came. A few pitches went by and a batter was on first. I found myself constantly distracted by the runner. As I anticipated his steal, the pitch would get by me. After multiple times I could hear the crowd's mumbled voices full of advice. I desperately began trying to apply everything I was...
Samuel discusses roadblocks couples face in recovery due to a lack of safety.
Today I was reminded of a story by Portia Nelson I heard long ago:
by Portia Nelson
Chapter One:
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost... I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two:
Watch Part 1 >Viewing Part 2
Samuel interviews MJ Denis, a trauma specialist, about how couples can heal from infidelity.
>Viewing Part 1 Watch Part 2
Our community is used to the threat of tropical weather. Usually, the early notices start with escalated threats that ultimately result in a windy rain storm passing over our area causing very little damage.
In the hours leading up to the arrival of Hurricane Michael it became obvious this storm was going to be different. At 100 miles inland, we were too far north to be part of the normal evacuation plan. Meteorologists began forecasting that the storm would still be holding hurricane strength by the time it reached us. Our home was well within the...
Samuel addresses the situation where a couple may not believe in their marriage again.
Samuel answers a viewers question and also explains why an unfaithful spouse may label their betrayed spouse controlling.
I hate the word. I hate the feeling. I am guessing for most of you reading this, you have more than a vague idea of what this word does to a human being and how it can be one of the most destructive forces on the planet.
Sure, I can sit here and look back on my life and the things that happened before I had a choice in the matter. Reflect on the things that helped shape my heart into a giant bucket of shame....
Samuel discusses when and how to use an ultimatum in recovery work.
Samuel shares hope and tangible encouragement for those struggling to find hope.
A good friend of mine, and fellow betrayed husband (yes, we met at an EMS weekend), coined it best when he said, "This isn't highs and lows; it's chutes and ladders." All of us on this journey have experienced the hope generated by progress. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, the bottom falls out and in the moment all hope seems lost.
I am now 16 months out from my first D-Day, 9 months from my last, and if there is one word that can describe the spot I seem to circle...
What Type of Affair Was It?
Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
