What the Betrayed Really Needs from the Unfaithful in Affair Recovery: Empathy

If a betrayed partner doesn't experience or see authentic empathy from their unfaithful partner, the recovery efforts of that unfaithful become suspect. "Maybe they are just trying to not lose me and/or the family?" "Maybe they don't want to change and heal, they just want to not talk about it and move on?" Those are just some of the questions the betrayed ask themselves. Today Samuel shares first hand perspective into what are 'empathy builders' and what are 'empathy blockers' in the life of the unfaithful and how to cultivate not only an empathetic heart but an empathetic life as an unfaithful spouse. Filled with insight for both betrayed and unfaithful, today's video is sure to encourage you on your journey towards personal and relational healing.

Add New Comment:


What I needed

Almost four years post discovery. I did Harboring Hope. I found a couples counselor. I saw an individual therapist. I read a dozen books. I'm still broken. Came back to this site after a hard conversation with my husband last night where I verbalized some of the very points made in this video. Such a relief to know it's not just me "not getting over it."

Message for Samuel

Hi Samuel,

I just wanted to let you know your videos have been such a blessing to myself and my husband. We are 4 1/2 months into recovery. D-day was September 2nd last year. I’m the betrayed partner, my husband the unfaithful. We’ve been married for 38 years and the affair lasted 10 months. The first 3 months were shear hell for me as my husband wasn’t “doing the work”. I really had to put my foot down hard. I’ve been active on the website since the very beginning after D-day and it’s helped me tremendously. My husband started watching your videos about a month ago and I’ve noticed a significant change in him. He has expressed to me that he loves your videos and that they’ve been a tremendous help for him understanding his role unfaithful and mine as the betrayed. He’s never really been an empath and your video about empathy really hit him hard. He finally understands the difference between sympathy and empathy. The light bulb finally lit up!! I’m seeing the changes in him, he’s finally recognizing the work he needs to do and we’re moving in a positive direction, finally! He’s expressed to me that the AR website and the videos have been more helpful than many other sites because with AR, it’s people that have actually experienced infidelity, the “been there done that” thing. I just wanted to let you know you are so appreciated and we’re both thankful you’ve chose to be part of the AR team

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas