Why Decide Now?

Samuel, Alumnus
Submitted by Samuel 10 years 10 months

Often times spouses want to make a decision about their crisis right this moment. However, when dealing with infidelity that approach usually backfires.

What type of affair was it?

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What to read next

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The Importance of Owning Our Choices and Outcomes When Healing From Infidelity
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Death, Burial and Resurrection... An Interview with Tullian Tchividjian
The Courage to Keep Going Before, During and After Divorce: Interview with Lisa Arends

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas
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Comments

Submitted by Ranae (not verified) on 10 years 10 months

I have been following AR and your blogs for a long time now and have got SO much from your blogs in particular Sam! Thank you!! Just wondering if there is an email address I could contact directly to get some personal advice and direction please? It's been 12+ months since discovery for us and feel we are in desperate need of expert help, or some very tough decisions to be made ...
Thank you in advance

Submitted by Samuel on 10 years 10 months
if you like, you can email the ar staff at [email protected] and put attention samuel and ask them to send it to me and i'll do my best to answer as soon as i'm able. thanks so much for watching and for your kind words.

Submitted by Joanna (not verified) on 10 years 10 months

i cannot rate this enough in terms of it's honesty
but to be fair it is not always within the control of one or the other of the spouses in question
so if one goes off unilaterally (lets say after 10 or more years and after one or more children) with their affair partner - do you agree or disagree that it is fair or otherwise to say that the betrayed spouse cannot do anything to bring the unfaithful back once they are with their affair partner. You always address on behalf of the shameless

Submitted by Samuel on 10 years 10 months
Joanna, as usual, thank you so much for your comments and for being a fan of the vlog. your comments always encourage me. i would have to agree, that sometimes, in some situations, the fact is, a spouse is with their affair partner and they are staying. they've lied to themselves, or they have justified it to a point of complete and total self deception and they are locked in with their affair partner. it's grievous to say the least. and it's incredibly painful for the betrayed. in those situations, i think the best and probably only thing you, the betrayed can do, is do self care and get the healing you need for your own recovery. if you have kids, you've still got to parent them and be a wonderful mom in spite of the pain and the hurt you are feeling. if there aren't kids, you also still have the rest of your life ahead of you. while you may remarry or choose not to, your life is not over and you're not 'done' as a valuable person who has life in you and ahead of you. so i think there is a point where you have to move on in life and pursue your own healing and your own recovery, courageously and boldly, knowing you've done all you could to save the marriage and now it's time to simply get the healing you need for the life ahead of you.

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