Rewind to Valentine's Day 1999.

Envision a blanket spread with a mountaintop picnic, complete with Martinelli’s, fluted glasses, and chocolate-covered strawberries. The official “Will you marry me?” complete with an engagement ring. One of the most joyous days of my life.

The dreams and expectations for our future were as wide and big as the view from that mountaintop. I couldn’t wait to start that journey.

Fast Forward to Valentine's Weekend 2021.

I just finished work at the warehouse. I was stopping at the grocery store on my way home. Feeling exhausted, dingy, and just plain down in the dumps. My husband and I were separated, and he was at the house spending some time with the kids. As I was walking into the store, you can imagine my shock upon seeing my husband—arm wrapped around his affair partner, laughing and talking with her as they walked away from the checkout. We made eye contact, but no words were shared. I was literally in a state of shock and disbelief.

I managed to make it through the store, gathering the few things the kids and I needed. Passing helium heart balloons, bouquets of flowers, chocolate-covered strawberries, and stuffed teddy bears holding hearts. Men stood in line with flowers and chocolates.

When I got to my car, I screamed my lungs out. Deep guttural cries of extreme anguish. Deep bellows of pain pouring out of my heart. Screams of anger because I literally told my husband, if you move in with her, DON’T do it there. I DO NOT want to run into her at the grocery store. And lo and behold—there she is, with MY husband’s arm draped over her, laughing together and having a grand ol’ time. I called my friend, and she talked me down. It took quite a bit of listening and patience on her part.

Fast Forward Again - Valentine’s Celebration 2024

I’m thinking about last year around this time. My (second) husband took me out of town for a weekend. He had been out of town for a couple of months due to his mom’s fight with cancer and work. When he came back, he talked to my kids about taking me away for a weekend. They graciously agreed, and off we went. He found a lovely little place with a hot tub, walking distance to Main Street. He purchased all kinds of charcuterie so we wouldn’t even have to leave the place if we didn’t want to. Oh my goodness, it was a wonderful time.

Return to the Present - Valentine’s Weekend 2025

Now, here I am—Valentine’s weekend 2025—serving at EMS (Emergency Marital Seminar) Weekend, Affair Recovery's weekend retreat for couples who want to heal from infidelity. How about that for a twist?! Who would have EVER guessed I would be helping others to find hope in the midst of their damaged marriages? Yet, here I am. Witnessing the determination of scores of couples doing the work to heal from infidelity.

My point is this—it won’t always feel this way. I know the pain you are experiencing in this moment is absolutely devastating. I don’t deny it. My heart aches for you in your pain. I don’t want to diminish what you are facing. I simply want to let you know—it won’t always feel this way. There is a future ahead of you. There is hope.

When I was in the midst of it, I likely would not have believed anyone telling me that I could ever feel differently. Those feelings of sadness, devastation, and anger (just to name a few) were entirely consuming. Nowadays, there are moments that will remind me of those emotions, and it’s strange. It almost feels like that was another life. But they don’t overtake me and dominate my life.

You may not believe me. Nonetheless, I want to encourage you in this. Look up, look around. Sometimes simply getting your eyes off yourself and your particular situation can help. Getting outdoors just for a walk to see the sunrise or sunset can literally help. If you have the chance to see something new, this can help you remember there is a world beyond the pain you are in now.

So, hold on, friend. Keep pressing on. Set your eyes above. Reach out to those around you for help, wisdom, and comfort. And keep going. You will see beautiful again.