Safety: A Game Changer in Recovery from Infidelity Part 1

Samuel discusses roadblocks couples face in recovery due to a lack of safety.

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Safety...

It boils down to this one word, 'safety.' Spot on, keep the truth coming Samuel.
Thank you.
Ruth

Safety

For 2 years i have been repeately saying to my UH. I do not feel safe. Thankyou so much for breaking it down so clearly. Accountability, reliability and accessibility. 3 things i do not have. No wonder there is no forward movement. Can’t wait to watch part 2.

Safety

For 2 years i have been repeately saying to my UH. I do not feel safe. Thankyou so much for breaking it down so clearly. Accountability, reliability and accessibility. 3 things i do not have. No wonder there is no forward movement. Can’t wait to watch part 2.

How to build safety when separated?

Hi Samuel,

I found this video very true but in my current situation it seems difficult to be able to implement this. Although, I do build in terms of accountability and responsibility in a sense that if I say I will do something, I will do it. And my time is accounted for but she's not asking about what I'm doing with my own time. I have given her the option to have access to all my accounts (email, social media, etc) as well as my phone tracker but she didn't want any of those. I want her to feel safe but we have been living separately for the last 6 weeks. So how do I build safety? There has been some more momentum in our communications/time spent but it's up and down. We'd go a few days without any communication as I do not always want to be the one reaching out smothering her with texts/calls. Hence, I do it once every 2-3 days, hoping perhaps that she will take initiative and contact me. So I'd like to ask how I can make her gradually feel more safe when there's limited contact.

you can only....

build safety as she allows you to.  don't rush her and don't push my friend.  sounds like you're doing all you can, but you can't push or rush it as she's going to perceive you as being controlling.  as she allows for you to make her feel safe, make her feel safe.  but, i can't stress enough the need for you to build safety on your own.  a clean conscience.  a healthy lifestyle of repair work mentally and emotionally.  as she wants more safety, give it to her as she requests.  there is only so much you can do but when she's with you, that's when the safety shines through in how you carry yourself and present yourself to her.