Vision

Every program I have been through requires making goals to achieve desired results.  When I was going through recovery from an eating disorder, we had to write out a vision statement.  The purpose of this statement was to keep me inspired and on track.  It’s also written in present tense as if I am already there.  In the statement I include all of the feelings that I want to experience such as love, joy, peace, accomplishment, rest, and connection.

This is my vision statement concerning my recovery as a betrayed spouse: 

“I wake up in the morning, excited to start a new day.  I take care of myself by drinking plenty of water and taking my vitamins.  After taking my children to school, I make time to read my Bible and listen to what God is telling me which makes me feel peace and joy.  As I am completing all of my daily duties, I continue to be amazed at how good God is and feel grateful for all of the good things in my life.  I don’t beat myself up if I don’t get everything done.  I feel accomplished with whatever I do get done and successful because I know I am doing the best that I can and that is enough. 

After my children get home from school, I spend time with them but also make sure I take time to do something for myself.  Many of the things I enjoy on a regular basis are bubble baths, reading a good book, walking out in the sunshine with my kids, listening to an uplifting podcast, riding bikes with my kids, and gardening.  We have dinner together as a family and start the children’s bedtime routine early to make sure my husband and I have time to spend with each other. 

We have date nights on a regular basis, at least once a week.  Sometimes these are outside of the home and sometimes they are at home after the children have gone to bed.  We prioritize spending time together and we feel love and peace as we continue to connect.  I have completed trauma therapy and because of that I am able to enjoy our time together and live in the present.”

It all sounds like a “fairytale” and I remember having a lot of resistance when it came to writing out a vision statement.  However, after being on the other side of eating disorder recovery I see how important it is to know the goals I am looking to achieve.  It is impossible to have canned vision statements because everybody is so different.  However, I believe no matter where we are in the journey, we can have a vision of where we want to be.

In the beginning, my goals were very simple.  I made sure I was getting enough sleep (usually with a sleep aid), eating foods that were nourishing and not just eating junk, moving my body in some way, taking my vitamins and finding support.  I came to realize that if I wasn’t taking care of myself in the most basic way there was no way I would be able to tackle the recovery process. 

I recently had to go back to those simple goals as I began going through trauma therapy.  As I became more aware of my body and began to allow myself to feel the trauma, I found myself wanting to fight my body.  However, the more I fought, the worse my symptoms got. 

Rick shares in EMS Online the importance of keeping our eyes focused on the horizon as we travel through recovery because of all the ups and downs.  I've included his example in the video below:

So, now I have my vision statement as my horizon that I set my eyes on and I am back to the basics of making sure I am taking care of myself on a physical, emotional and spiritual level.  Since I stopped fighting my body, I have found that I sleep better, my digestive issues have gone down, I have begun to lose some of the weight my body has been holding on to and I feel more peaceful and relaxed overall.  I recognize that some of my vision statement includes my husband but if I look at it closely I can achieve all of those things on my own, as well.  As my situation changes, my vision changes in some ways but the feelings I want to feel stay the same:  Love, peace, joy, rest, accomplishment and connection.

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Vision

Thankyou for this inspiring piece.
I have a long way to go, just 9 weeks into our journey, after 28 years of happy married life........but this makes sense to me, although I don't feel quite ready to nail my thoughts definitively just yet. You have encouraged me.
Bless you.

Hope

I am so glad you feel encouraged! I remember at 9 weeks still dealing with shock and just trying to keep my head above water. It is refreshing for me to see you digging into the content here and really wanting to work the steps. I am 11 months into our journey and I can tell you it does get better. I have the advantage of having friends who worked with Rick 10 years ago and 14 years ago and both of their marriages are thriving. It keeps me going and helps me believe we will be there one day!

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