I Just Don't See it that Way

Today Samuel shares a humorous example how we the unfaithful, many times just don't see things the way we should. The unfaithful just can't see how their actions have affected the betrayed and has no clue how to show empathy for what they can't wrap their mind around.

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Samuel thank you so much for

Samuel thank you so much for all the effort you put into doing all your blogs and for also putting your pride aside and just be real and honest. This topic you bring up here is big real big. It is one of the aeras I feel brings about many justifications to cheat in the first place. I know in my case looking back now I had just never done a real good job communicating my love for my wife and at the same time she was either unable to are unable to make her true feelings known to me. So after infidility it is even a much bigger problem. I was able on to realise that many of our problems before my wife's affairs were do to our not understanding each other. It is still such a challanges to be able to share feelings with her and know we both understand what I am trying to share. It can get very frustrating at times but it is just not her it is me also we think differently we look at things differently. I have to slow down and say things differently or try differently to see if it helps. My wife also over reacts at times because she thinks I am getting mad because I tend to speak more mechanically and bring the volume up a little, which I am not I just know with her ADD that she can loose focuse and buy becoming more direct I try to retain her focuse but these are the kind of things that can lead to problems until both parties can truly understand that it is not easy sometimes to communicate in a way that tge other will understant just what the other is thinking or saying. I have to be very patient and in many cases thr frustration is not with her but my frustration of knowing how to share what I am feeling. Like trying to explain the depth of my love for her and her being able to understand. Or trying to deal with the fact that it"s so hard to love her and have security of that love when you know you are unable to trigger that chemical reaction in her for you like she had for her AP's. Now that is a tough thing to communicate, try doing a blog on that. Limerance how it is so hard to rebuild love with your mate after they have experienced with others it was so real to them it is tough it takes time it takes patients and you had better gotten better at communicating.
David

This website

Amazing and brilliant website - thank you

So SPOT ON

Samuel: Thank you so much for sharing this story, it makes perfect sense and is very eye-opening. Although I never imaged that I would be involved in a website such as this one, I have to admit that your videos are a constant source of grounding and inspiration for me. While I feel that I have crossed over to other side and the pain has subsided, the bad memories and confusion remain--for this you have been a tremendous help.

How do you see this?

The survivors blog is so beneficial- thank you for the daily dose of inspiration. I get that the unfaithful- my husband- doesn't see things the same way I do. Today is three years from the initial disclosure, the full disclosure came 15 mos later. I see today almost as surreal- like I can't get it together n get moving- keep starting things and not finishing, etc. How does the unfaithful see today?

how does the unfaithful see today....

RMR all anniversaries are tough for the first three years or so give or take. they bring it all full circle, so give yourself grace and patience as it's always hard for the first few years. for me, it was a reminder of how stupid i was. it really depends on the unfaithful's mindset....for me it was/is a reminder of how our lives were wrecked and how God has been incredibly merciful and gracious to me and my family. it's a reminder of how i could have lost it all and life could look so different than it looks now and it looks phenomenal right now. it also is a reminder that if i can get through that and if we can get through that, it's hope for the future. sometimes the unf see it as a day of shame for who they were or what they did. sometimes they see it as 'i'm glad that's over.' it just depends on their mindset. but i can tell you, for the betrayed it's hard as hell and to be expected to not just go about life as you once knew it. it brings it all full circle and requires you to go slow and take your time and feel what you're feeling, but keep moving forward. don't let it make you think all the momentum is lost and you're not as healed as you hoped/thought....it can play tricks on you for each anniversary for the first three years or so.

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