Run to a Spot

I’ve either played or coached baseball almost my entire life.  I grew up loving the game and I’m privileged that my sons also love the game. It’s in many ways a mirror of life and has taught me more about life than I could share in any one blog.

When coaching outfielders it’s common to hear coaches instruct outfielders to “run to a spot” and find the ball.  It’s this habit pattern coaches try to pound into the mind of a good outfielder as they can then adjust, find the ball in the air and make what everyone else on the defensive side hopes is a fantastic catch. Rather than just running haphazardly, running to a spot intimates there is a plan for these types of situations.

It’s the same way in life. When something happens to us, we run to a spot. That spot can be problematic or it can be lifesaving.

When I’ve felt rejected from Samantha in the past, I’ve ran to a spot. That spot, if you will, has not usually been a good spot. It’s a spot of rejection I felt from my mom when I was young. It’s a spot that has a mentality of “Oh, you want to reject me? I’m not good enough? OK, well, I’m going to reject you too and I’ll just go over here, run to this spot, and be in my own world. I don’t need you. I’m fine without you.”

It’s a bad spot. It’s a destructive spot.

It isolates me. It makes me feel sorry for myself. It’s a spot where I take matters into my own hands.

But I’ve run to that spot time and time again.

If you’ve been betrayed, you’ve probably found a new spot to run to in all of this. I dare to say there are probably some terrible spots you’ve ran to, but hopefully you’re running to a new spot here on the site.

If you’re unfaithful, you’ve already ran to a bad spot.  Perhaps it’s time to stop running to that spot and find a new spot to run to? If you can’t run home, you can at least run to a spot that’s in the direction of home and in the direction of eventually getting healthy and home to your spouse and family.

We run to spots because we’ve been trained to. We’ve been instructed to. Life, bitterness, resentment and other reactionary patterns all want to force us to run to a spot.

Most of the time, the spot we run to is not the correct spot.

I hope you’ll take some time to find a new spot to run to. Then when pain comes, reminders come, when triggers come, or when new untapped resentment comes, you’ll run to that spot time and time again. Wear out the grass in that spot. Create new habit patterns at that spot. Make it the ‘new normal’ for you to run to that spot. Run to prayer. Run to meditation. Run to the website and others like it. Run to your journal. Run to your trusted friend who won’t advise you but love you, care for you, listen to you and support you.

Run to your spouse if they will let you.

If you have been running to a good spot each day, keep running to it.

If you’ve been running to a bad spot, or the wrong spot, I’d like to encourage you today to run to a new spot.  It will change your entire outlook on things. 

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I Needed to Read This

Thank you for posting this, I really needed to read it this morning. My husband and I are still together after my infidelity and he amazes me everyday with this willingness to forgive and to work on our marriage. Last night I felt rejected from him and I retreated to a "bad spot". My "bad spot" is by myself, away from my husband. He doesn't like when I do this but it is something that I have always done. When I feel rejected/angry/sad etc. I always walk away from the situation and respond negatively. I really really want to work on this for my husband's sake and for mine.

thanks for your comment...

it's a very very normal reaction my friend. I've found it to be very destructive in my own life both pre and post affair. there is a way out, but part of it is first identifying the negative reaction and identifying the habit pattern. if we can identify it we can be more present and aware of what we're doing and then we can choose to not react that way. or, we can choose to intervene as we're doing it. a book i found helpful is called 'fight fair.' it helped us both identify that fact that we would respond in ways like that and they would be problematic for us both in conflict resolution. also, emmerson and eggerichs love and respect is exceptional and helps identify the crazy cycle.

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