You are Beautiful (And Why That’s Hard to Hear after Infidelity)

Brave, beautiful, warrior.

I shared with you previously how I was inspired by my daughter's choice of the three silver tiles. I talked about “being brave” and how I was able to resist the urge to be fearful, and chose to be brave. I also shared about the call I answered to rise up and be a warrior, to choose how I would respond to a trigger.

Today, ladies, I want to tell you something that may be hard to hear.
You are beautiful.

If you are here reading this blog you know how difficult it is to feel beautiful after having found out about your husband's infidelity. But, his choices do not define who you are. Nor do they determine if you are beautiful or not.

I was challenged to look at myself through a different lens. And I want to challenge you in the same way.

I will admit, after 5 children in seven years, sure…my body wasn’t what it used to be. But really, was it simply outward appearance that drew my husband’s attention to another woman? I’m not proud of this, but perhaps you can relate — I tracked down this woman on social media. And then I asked myself, “Really? You pursued her over me?” This challenged me to look at the much bigger picture. I paused to consider — what were some of the other issues going on? I was able to see that he was feeling unsatisfied in his career. He felt like there was never enough time in the day to do the things he wanted to do. There were a slew of other things. And now, years later, I have even more things I can add to that list. For your situation — are there issues with addiction - pornography, alcohol, drugs? Is there a history of past abuse: emotional, physical, or sexual? All of these things and more may be at play in the “why” of the affair.

Looking back now, hindsight is 20/20. But then, I was able to at least recognize a couple of issues that were going on - it wasn’t simply about my outward appearance.

It's so easy to feel beautiful at the beginning of our love story, those early days of falling in love and feeling like all is good and right with the world. It's easy to feel beautiful when you're held near and dear to your husband's heart and when you're looked at with adoration.

I want to remind you, as I had to remind myself, that you are beautiful, with or without your husband’s love or affection.

We so often see ourselves through the eyes of man. But there is one greater than a man who looks at me, and you, and says, “You are beautiful. I have created you. You are my chosen one. You are my daughter and I love you.” God in heaven, Creator of the Universe, He Himself looks at me and sees the beauty that is inherent in who He has created me to be.

But I am human. And I am hurt. And my perspective gets skewed. And so I need to return again and again to the fount of Living Water. I had to immerse myself in the Truth of God’s Word. Daily. You see, the thing is, there are a lot of things about me that fall short — I lose my temper with my kids, I get aggravated at the person in the checkout in front of me, etc, etc, etc. And yet, despite that — whether I see my beauty or not — is not what it's about. It's about taking hold of God's abundant grace and fully leaning into THAT. I don't measure up, and WILL NEVER measure up. And that’s okay. That's why Jesus came. So, the question becomes more about “Do I have the faith to take God at His word. Will I trust Him? Or will I rely on my perception of how others see me?”

This is where being vulnerable with other women is so important. Let them into your thoughts. They can help redirect you to the truth of who you are — and it is not dependent on how a man sees you. You are a wife, a partner, a daughter, a mother, a sister, a friend, a neighbor. You are so much more than you may think.

There are many things that can “make” us beautiful in others' eyes. And yet, just simply WHO you are — you are a woman who is made in the image of God — is enough. HE declares your worth. HE is the only One who has the authority to even issue that statement. And He does. YOU, dear woman, hurt and broken, God looks at you and loves you. He longs to draw you close to His heart, and hold you near. He whispers to your tender, fragile heart, “I have redeemed you, I have called you by name. I love you, you are Mine.”

So, please, when you look at yourself in the mirror - know that you are seen, valued, and honored by the Maker of the Universe. He declares you as beautiful. The question is — will you believe what your Creator says about you? Or will you believe the lies that have surfaced in light of the infidelity. Hold fast to the truth.