Category 2 - Lonely Hearts Club

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This type of affair is characterized by two individuals who believe they are "in love". With this type, the betrayer believes that he or she has fallen in love, and feels powerless over powerful emotions. It is not uncommon for the betrayer to feel guilty over what they are doing, but at the same time they feel they are no longer in love with their spouse and know that they will never be happy unless they are with their lover. This type of relationship frequently develops from an existing friendship that begins to deepen as the boundaries between the two individuals weaken. It is not necessarily based on sex. In fact, the power driving the relationship is the strong emotions generated by the growing romance. In this type of affair, the betrayer has most likely made the decision to leave their marriage. They realize that they can never be happy unless they get to be with the one they love.

Unlike the Low Rent Rendezvous, this type of affair often indicates a deeper problem in the marriage. Let me be clear - the marital problem is not the cause of the affair, but there are defects that at the very least, serve as inhibitors to the betrayer's motivations to consider working on the marriage. While this description may cause you to believe the situation is hopeless, please know that it is not. There are many couples that have recovered, and in fact, will report that they are grateful that they were able to reconcile. If you are in this category don't lose hope!

Characteristics:

• The betrayer believes wants out of the marriage.
• They feel they are in love with their affair partner, and are willing to sacrifice life as they know it for the opportunity to be with their lover.
• Typically, this type of affair is a long-term relationship that has developed into a romance.
• Frequently, there is a pattern of the betrayer swinging back and forth between the marriage and the affair partner. When they are at home trying to do what is right, they are miserable and feel they will never be happy. When they are with their affair partner, they are ecstatic, but may be feeling so guilty that they can't stand it so they move back home only to feel miserable and to realize once again that they can never be happy unless they go back to the affair partner. This dance of insanity can continue for years.
• The betrayer often seems incapable of making a decision as to what they are going to do. Even though the betrayer doesn't want to be in the marriage, other factors may keep them from choosing to divorce. For example, feelings of guilt or of failure may cause them to stay. There may also be strong feelings regarding what is best for the kids, so they may decide to stay for the children. A lack of commitment to the marriage, but choosing not to leave, is not the solution to a country club affair.