Addictive Slavery

Many, who fall, including myself, will confess to eventually feeling like a slave to the affair partner or addiction. Before we know it, what once was an adrenaline filled endeavor, full of excitement and dark, thrilling passion, eventually becomes slavery. The elation and electricity of it all, fades, then slowly but surely turns to dread, regret, and sometimes even disdain. Disdain for ourselves, the affair partner and even our spouse.  

As we continue in our duplicity, the shame and condemnation become overwhelming and we find it seemingly impossible to break out of the pattern we’ve created. Quite honestly, we walk right into where we end up. Somewhere along the way of life, we made a group of small, seemingly unimportant decisions, which slowly but every so surely, led us to the affair and the pattern we’ve created. 

Somewhere along the way, we can feel as if we are in too deep and literally see no way out. What's more truthful though, is that we see no real way out, without pain and suffering, along with having to own up to our choices.  We see no way out of the pain that we have caused so many others, as well as ourselves. There is just no light at the end of the tunnel.

That was the case for me. I felt so chained by the situation I had allowed and ultimately created, that there came a day, when I said quietly to myself, this is just the way it will have to be. There is no way out. Controlled by my own choices, insecurities and ego, as well as the affair partner's manipulation, I too, saw no way out that would preserve my identify, lifestyle or marriage. In all honesty, I was somehow convinced I had fallen so far that there was no way of ever making it back.    

I was wrong.

There WAS a way out.

It was there all along. At the very least, there was another way out besides the one that I took. Like many, I had to be exposed rather than coming clean on my own initiative. I could have, and should have, come clean, repented, and asked for help to save my marriage and family. I had the opportunity, on my own recognizance, to show everyone that I believed my marriage and God was bigger than my failure and hypocrisy. 

But, I didn't.

God still showed Himself faithful and bigger. You may not be a Christian, and that’s OK. What’s not OK is feeling like there is no hope for you, or for your situation. 

Sin promises to please, but only enslaves and dominates. 

I'm so thankful and genuinely happy to say, I'm not a slave to the affair partner any longer. I'm no longer a slave to my pastor or senior leaders either, and I'm certainly not a slave to the lifestyle like my family and I were. Looking back, I can see just how much of a slave I was, my staff was, and all those in the ministry were.

That's the thing; no one really signs up for slavery. No one wants to be addicted and emotionally helpless to fight back against an addiction, affair, or case of codependency. I highly doubt any of us want an addiction or particular person, to absolutely dominate and rule our lives, reducing us to feeling as though we are handcuffed by their manipulative efforts or our own lack of moral fortitude.  

I never wanted it to cost me everything.  I never signed up for the ruin it brought to me, my ministry, and so many other people's lives. Yet, despite what I did not sign up for, due to my choices, it all came crashing down. 

I forget exactly who said it but the greatest trick evil ever pulled, was convincing the world it didn't (and doesn't) exist.  

Regardless of your situation, there is a loving and kind God who is bigger than your failure, and if you give Him a chance, He'll show you just how big he is and just how able He is to save you and heal you. This isn’t some religious pontificating. Just a story of how much bigger the Grace of God is than your failure or your spouse’s failure.

If I can do anything to help you and your situation, please feel free to email me at and simply reference Samuel’s blog.

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