Can You Find Joy In Recovery?

Recently Samantha and I were doing some “Vision Casting” in regards to the next season of our marriage and family. It’s been a great two month exercise, but last night we hit a point where we began to talk about our past and how it has shaped our marriage and life, now, almost 8 years later. The question was in regards to joy, pure joy in life as of a result of choices and life changing events and ultimately we came to the question of why people cheat?

I can tell you, I’ve made some choices that have wreaked havoc upon my life and countless others. I regret so many of those choices and their indelible mark on so many. Through much therapy and infidelity specific help, I’ve have come to be able to forgive myself, as well as others that affected my decision making process. But prior to my fall, the joy in my life was minimal. I’m not at all saying that lack of joy is why people cheat. It’s simply not the totality of the issue. Early in my marriage, I was truly overjoyed at my marriage and the birth of my three kids. There were also several moments of joy with friends and what not, but honestly, nothing comparing to the joy that occupies my life now.

It’s been said happiness is due to circumstances going right, while joy is due to our outlook, faith, and quality of hope. Even after losing so much due to my selfishness, there has been a joy to my life I never, ever saw coming: especially after the destruction that resulted after my affair became public. In many ways the why people cheat question is answered with an understanding of how deep the rabbit hole goes, as they say. In order to cheat we have to lie to ourselves time and time again to justify our actions, and ease the guilt. If we just accepted how dysfunctional our choices are, and how selfish we are, and how confused and self absorbed we are, we’d probably crumble at the guilt of it and find ourselves barely able to function.

Coming up from the ashes of our marriage, finances, relationships and overall security has taught Samantha and I so much about joy in life. Though we have several difficulties in life even as I write this, I’m convinced my complete and utter failure has been used to teach us what is important in life and how to rest in a joyful hope. A hope not in my own strength or power, but a hope which has been born out of allowing our relationship to be tried, tested, obliterated and restored.

Restoration is absolutely possible. For those that have found restoration and reconciliation with themselves and quite possibly their spouse, I’m quite confident you have found (or are finding) a joy that is not as of a result of circumstances or financial security, but a renewed perspective and redeemed hope in what is truly important and vital in life and in our hearts.

Add New Comment:


Your story

Thanks Samuel for sharing your story but the trouble is I find it too theoretical to identify with. It's like being in a physics class where it's all theory and no real life application. I will like to hear your story in other to understand my husband who has remained uncommunicative over his sex addiction. All he wants is to have his marriage back and to pay some sort of penance by buying the store for the home. I accidentally discovered porn sites and messages on his closely guarded password locked pc. All this four months after DD of his affair, after he had sworn to become the right husband for me even it kills him. Now he has totally refused to talk to me by secretively going in and out of the guest room. What's your story like? What was your character which might have led to your infedility.

Thank You Samuel

I don't know how you popped up in my U-Tube library, Samuel, but you did, and for that I am grateful. I am a new member, you guided me to follow the steps, starting with Bootcamp. Finding "joy in recovery" so far as the hurt spouse, has eluded me. I started listening to your videos, before I knew it, I was an addict! I have listened to a million videos, have a 334 library of self-help books, but nothing comes close to your wisdom and ability to speak. From the heart! I "met" your wife just last night, you are both incredible. I am excited about this journey, when I have only been discouraged. Thank you!!!

wow....broken wing

means a ton broken wing.  thank you for such kind words.  so encouraged by your kindness and encouragement.  i hope the videos help and continue to give you courage for your own journey. i'm sure it's not easy and i'm even more sure you're courageous if you've made it this far so don't give up.  


I don’t know what it means ? But this is the 1st time I’ve had the courage to comment on your pages?
Or articles,
I’m 8 months post Dday,
Thank you for your words of hope, sometimes it still feels hopeless, and empty .
I feel like my marriage and everything around me is scarred or has blemish on it?
I am a strong believer, so Jesus it my true strength and deliverer.
Please pray for Lisa and I that we can move forward?
And that I can put the other person in the correct place in my past.
I‘ve watched 100 of your videos,
Your work and dedication is filled with Love and compassion ❤️🙏🏻

thank you for your comment my friend...

i appreciate the kind words and encouragement.  i get it.  no matter how great a video is, you go back to your situation.  i'll for sure pray for you both.  it's a journey, remember that and it takes process and time.  blemishes heal....and though there are scars, scars tell a story of what did NOT kill you.  don't be afraid of scars my friend.  it's normal.  we all have them.  some are really good at hiding them.....but many are not scars they are open wounds and if you touch them, they go nuts and fall apart.  scars can be touched again and again after they are healed and it simply reminds you of what you've come through.  you can do this.  i promise you....when you can't though, Jesus CAN. 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas