Personal Confrontation

“You cannot heal what you do not first acknowledge.” Richard Rohr

The truth of this quote still strikes me even after years of recovery.

Just today I’ve had to name my struggles. Pride for one. It’s not ‘feeling insecure’ or left out or disrespected. It’s pride. When I honestly name what I’m feeling or experiencing, I can step into a personal recovery plan. This means isolating what’s really going on. It helps me see what I’m truly feeling and that my pride is just a reaction to what I am feeling. I realize I’m trying to medicate my true, inner feelings. I am feeling insecure, left out and disrespected. Those are facts. But for each of them, I can take steps of self-care once I realize the root: pride.

Take for example feeling insecure. (As you can tell, I’m opening up my personal world a bit for you today). I’m feeling insecure and I hate it, so I’m now trying to prove myself. Trying to prove oneself always spirals into performance driven behavior. For me, this has already included yelling at my kids, getting angry, and feeling I need to control everything around me to make up for how out of control I feel inside.

But to interrupt this spiral, I realize that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, especially God. God loves me the way I am and loved me just as much when I bottomed out. When I created an amazing amount of emotional carnage, he didn’t love me any less. I then realize my value is not caught up in sales, meeting quotas, this that or the other. It’s in understanding my worth and acceptance is in Christ’s love for me. No one or nothing else defines my value. It frees me to realize I don’t have to be secure but can rest in Christ’s love, and I find freedom to do the best I can. Not because I have to, but I get to and want to. Whatever the results are, I can trust in him and not rely upon my own efforts. My past has shown me when I try to control things and when I feel like I’m not doing enough, people (including my family) become speed bumps and I run them over as fast as I can.

I hope this little taste of my own life will help you realize one important thing: you have to name what you’re struggling with if you’re going to deal with it and get free. That may mean addiction to some of you. That may mean pride or insecurity to others. It may even mean feeling violated. But if you can name it and call it what it is, you can then take concrete steps to getting free.

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Thank You

Thank you for sharing. It has helped me understand a little more of my own feelings, and pointed me in a direction I think can help us.

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