Cutting the Anchor One of the most vivid memories I have of my father is when he took me fishing with one of his clients. It was off the coast of California. It was a smaller fishing boat, but not cheap and it was big enough to have some fun. The weather wasn’t perfect, but they decided it was fine to venture out. I think we were out about an hour when the storm finally hit us. Finally, my dad and his client (both of them decorated Vietnam War Veterans) decided they needed to humble themselves at the impending doom that was coming our way and pull up the anchor. Here’s where it gets interesting. The anchor was caught, and true to their profile, they were going to get it unstuck. I think we did circles, and all sorts of ridiculous maneuvers in this boat (which I had grown to hate) to free the anchor for about 30 minutes. Once I vomited off the side of the boat, and once we almost capsized the 2nd time, I think they finally realized we were in trouble. They were forced to cut the anchor. My dad’s client was fuming as I’m sure it wasn’t cheap, and my dad felt bad, but the vomit on my shirt, the fear in my eyes, lightening, thunder and big waves, told him it was time. Once the anchor was cut, we were free, soaked, and heading back in. I wonder if some of you don’t need to cut the anchor right now. Before you assume the worst, I’m not meaning cut the spouse loose. I mean, perhaps it’s time to cut a method loose? When something isn’t working, it’s just not working. When dealing with infidelity or compulsive behaviors, if something isn’t working, I don’t want to keep doing it with little hope. Yes, it takes time for a method to work, but just how long? “We cannot solve a problem by the same consciousness which created the problem in the first place.” –Albert Einstein I talk to individuals every day who have been doing the same thing and there hasn’t been a change. Often times it gets worse. Frequently it’s seeing a counselor who has never been through infidelity, or they’re participating in a form of couples counseling, and it’s just not hitting home (usually with the unfaithful spouse). With great respect for the counselor, perhaps they have never been through this nightmare and their approach isn’t the best for you? Maybe your spouse needs an expert? Maybe there is a need to draw some lines in the sand and get expert insight on how to get things moving in the right direction. It may be time to stand up for your own health and well-being and put some expectations upon your spouse? It was that way with Samantha and I for a short time early on in our recovery. We were doing circles, fuming at each other. I was angry at her, she was angry at me, I felt justified and wanted to move forward, she was stuck and didn’t think I was safe. We had to cut a few anchors along the way. Old methodologies, old viewpoints, resentment, justifications, you name it. We had to cut them loose, and I think we were angry about every single anchor we cut loose, but it saved our lives. What do you need to cut loose today? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to post it here and I’ll do my best to answer as soon as I’m able.