Running From the Hour

This week, I thought I’d take a moment out of Jesus’s life and share a unique perspective. Even if you’re not a Christian, or perhaps even angry at God for what you’re dealing with, I get it. I most certainly do. But I hope you’ll keep reading as I think there are some good points in here to still ponder, even if you do not subscribe to a Christian worldview at all.

Anyone under the weight of recent infidelity (whether betrayed or betrayer) or even addiction can relate to the words of Jesus, when He uttered in John 12: 27-28 "My soul has become troubled; and what shall I say, `Father, save Me from this hour'? But for this purpose I came to this hour. "Father, glorify Your name."

Infidelity will do more than just trouble our families and our souls. Yet the word 'troubled' here is better translated "exceedingly sorrowful."

Personally, my infidelity has caused me (and so many others) more sorrow than anything I have ever experienced in my entire life. My father died a gruesome death to cancer when I was 23, and my step dad was lost to leukemia just a few months after. But the paralyzing sorrow associated with the struggle to preserve my family has been unimaginable to describe to anyone other than those who have personally been through the same thing. If you’re in it now, you get it I’m sure.

Since my own fall, I have asked to be saved from more moments than I care to itemize.   

These hours of crisis and trauma are usually followed with questions like "why" and "how" and "how could this have been prevented" and "what went wrong." Even Jesus himself experienced incredible sorrow and pain at what He was encountering and what suffering lay before Him. I love the below scripture as it gives me strength to keep going in life, especially when I feel like a total failure and hopeless mess.   

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.  Hebrews 4:15-16

The intriguing and completely liberating point of John 12 is the apparent relentlessness of Jesus; to realize the hour that was upon Him, yet courageously face it head on and not quit. I find such solace here. In my situation, the hour was chosen by me and my selfishness, yet my marriage is not over and my family is not disintegrated in the least. I blew it, but we both kept going even though it hurt worse than anything we’ve ever faced, and we have in return experienced something greater than we ever thought imaginable.

I'm quite certain we all have our own hour that is upon each and every one of us. It's so easy to find ourselves hating the particular 'hour' we are in, or at the very least wanting to be saved from it prematurely. I hate almost every one of them. Yet I know they represent so much more than just my selfish anger at being inconvenienced by them, or at being reminded of what an idiot I was (and can still be). The more that I run from them though, the more power they have over me and the more they will ultimately lead me rather than me leading them.

I firmly believe Jesus didn’t run from his agony and we can’t run from ours, whether we created it or it was created by our spouse. Without this moment for Christ, so much would have been lost and so much would have been sacrificed, all for the sake of Jesus's own personal comfort. Yet, He continued on. He continued obeying the Father, and allowing Himself to be tortured, and crucified for you and for me. Had He run from the hour that was upon Him, all of history would have been changed forever. What will be changed if you run from this hour in your life right now?  

Far be it for us to equate how poignant Jesus' moment was with ours. But don't disregard the fact that our own 'hour' upon us now is vital for the development and ultimate restoration of our marriages and families. In our own significant way, how we deal with the hour that is upon each and every one of us (and our spouses) will quite certainly impact us for months, years, and possibly generations to come. These moments are not to be played with my friends.

In recovery, I have found that we always have choices in how we respond and deal with our 'hours.' From revealing hidden details, to sharing our fears and insecurities, to choosing to live a completely and totally open life to our spouses; we have power in this process. We have the power to choose and follow through, or the power to run and refuse to answer the moment. For those of you hurt spouses, it may be that you actually allow yourself to feel what you truly feel, and say (or even yell) what you feel and not worry about how your spouse will react to any of it. Know for certain though, there is a divine purpose to the hour that is upon you and your family. It may not seem like it with all the carnage and chaos surrounding your life, but God is always at work in the lives of His children. I can speak from personal experience that I have asked to be saved from several 'hours,' only to find they were never mystically removed from my life. Somehow I knew that if I genuinely wanted to see my marriage restored, I had (and still have to) face them. If we will momentarily stop, take a breath, and realize the significance of the moment we are in, we can then find strength and grace to make right decisions and move forward.

It wasn't easy for Jesus, and it won't be easy for us. I can guarantee you that you won't do everything right. But we are not expected to. This moment was so poignant for Christ, we truly owe salvation to it. I have realized that if it was truly easy, we wouldn't cry out to Him as much as we are forced to, and we would not value both the process and reward of a saved and redeemed relationship with God and with our spouses. As we owe salvation and so much more to this moment Jesus experienced, one day our children will owe so very much to our own moments of pain and sorrow, if we will gracefully face them head on, and handle them appropriately.

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Thank you so much for all the blogs you write as they help so very much. Today, I (betrayed), really needed what you have written as we approach 1 year since D day. Things are better and I can see the changes in my husband, but it has been a rollercoaster that just started feeling like it was flattening out and I still need the reminder to face the tough hours for our family, for my husband for me and future generations. God has amazing ways! I Praise him.

Thank you so much for sharing

Thank you so much for sharing this. In the past few weeks, as I've been dealing with the discovery of my husband's emotional betrayal, I have been turning to God for comfort and peace and hope. It is so refreshing to recognize how He can help us through our dark hours. And when we come through changed and sometimes better than we were, it is all to His glory!

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