I'm Better Than You, and You, and You... The Comparison Game

After discovery of infidelity in your marriage, it's easy to wonder, "What did they have that I don't have?" The Comparison Game discusses how helpful or hurtful these comparison questions can be and how to navigate the tumultuous aftermath of the infidelity storm.

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Timely

Thank you for sharing this, Carlie. I have been struggling so much with comparison thoughts lately...I just feel like a broken piece of trash who got traded in for a better model. I needed the perspective to focus on my own healing.

Danielle, I'm glad to hear

Danielle, I'm glad to hear the blog helped. It's definitely a struggle, especially in the beginning. Another thing I learned through EMS and the Harboring Hope course is when the negative/comparative thoughts come, to quickly shift my thinking. I would have to consciously stop the thought and will myself to think of something else. Sometimes it was simple, concrete things right in front of me. 'The sky is cloudy today', 'This ice is cold in my hands'. Something that would bring me back to the HERE and NOW. That was helpful to me. Also, as I said, I learned to focus on MY healing. What did I need that day? What was going to help me move towards recovery for myself?

I am better than you

My husbands last AP actually looks a lot like me BUT is about half my size with a nice D cup boob job. That has been a kick in the self esteem!! My sister reminded me that looks are not all it is about. Even Haliey Barry was cheated on!! She Menes several other big star women too but for some reason it brought me a little comfort to remember that about Hailey Barry.

Sisters and brothers

I wish I could help others as much as you've helped me. Let me try. My husband's AP wasn't as physically attractive as I am, nor did she have as much in common with him. She wasn't better at anything at all except not being me. In other words, it was the admiration in a strange woman's eyes, her idealization of him that he sought, nothing else. He knew what he was doing when he married me, and he knew what he wa doing when he decided hat I was his ultimate choice. There is no point in comparing because, guess what? It was't about her at all; it was about him. Anyone with two legs and a female body would have served the same function. I really hope this helps someone out there. Everyone walking this path has my heart.

Gloria

Gloria, you are SO right! Yes, my husbands three AP's were younger/smaller/divorced women, and that really didn't matter because it was and continues to be all about him! I am finally getting it and it's making recovery just a tiny bit better for me - thanks!

It helps, it's letting

It helps, it's letting yourself believe it which is the hard part, along with knowing that at that time I could not fill the emotional need that was lacking within himself.

Yes I think you are right, it

Yes I think you are right, it was about a connection for my partner nothing to do with her looks and part way into the affair it was no longer about having sex either

Comparison Game

Hard to not compare yourself when you have read letters and heard your wife talk about how great the other guy is on the phone.

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