Battlefield of the Mind Part Two

No one likes an ambush, least of all me. At the beginning of the day I like to know what is going to happen so I can plan accordingly. Three years ago I walked into the mother of all ambushes. Not only did I discover my husband’s betrayals, but I was also immediately assaulted with lies. They were almost a constant daily and nightly attack. It was like I was constantly bombarded with thoughts that I was not enough. I began to feel like I never truly was loved or celebrated, and I was never the true love of my husband’s life. I felt I had been dumb for falling for the trick that my husband had played on me. Having already been cut deep to my very core, these lies fell straight into my heart like salt in a fresh wound. To say they hurt would be a gross understatement. They were devastating. I remember wondering if I would ever be the happy girl I once was.

Thankfully, I was not left to fight this battle alone. Very kind people who had walked this path before me picked me up out of the pit of despair that I had fallen into and spoke truth to me. “You did not cause this. Your husband loves you. He didn’t act loving, but he does love you. You had no way of knowing this was going on. It is not your fault you didn’t know about this before now.” Many people in my situation have had to confront these horrific and gut wrenching lies too. Part of my greatest relief was realizing I was in fact not alone in my hurt and pain.

Hearing the truth from friends was only the first step in the battle over my mind and heart. I had to learn to discern lies from truth. I learned that while the voice of Truth may tell me things that are hard to hear at times, He never says them in a way that brings shame. Shame has become a big indicator to me that I am listening to lies. (Remember though, shame and guilt are not synonymous.) Very often I had so much going through my mind at one time that it was difficult for me to really know what exactly I was hearing, so I began the practice of purposefully taking time to listen to my heart so that I could discover what I was hearing and feeling.

One of the biggest weapons I found was writing specific words of Truth on note cards that combated the lies which were being thrown at me. Generally the lies that I heard were repeated over and over for a period of time. When I got to where I was able to recognize the lie as a lie, then throw Truth back at it, that lie would stop. Another lie would soon replace it, so I would then find another word of truth to combat it and carry it around with me on a new card. No matter where I went those cards were in my pocket. I never left home without them. I am convinced that those words alone are what saved my sanity and what gave me the victory in my ‘battlefield of the mind.’

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