Trigger Vision

When was the last time you got up from your favorite chair after watching TV with that ‘I could take on the world’ feeling? You know what I mean - the feeling you get after watching Rudy or Braveheart. Now go back a little further in your memory… remember the first time you watched Sleeping Beauty? The prince who bravely fought the evil witch just so he could rescue the girl whom he had danced with ‘once upon a dream?’ Try to put aside any jaded feelings you may have for a moment so you can remember that feeling of pure joy you felt as you watched them dance into the credits.

Now I ask you, what in the world has gone wrong with television these days? Why must so much of it step on wounded hearts? I remember during the first year after discovery my mind would swirl into a storm of questions every time the show’s plot twisted into one of my triggers. “Is that what it was like for him?” I wondered, “Is watching this with me making him want it again? Is he going to go back to that secret life?” I may have sat down with the intention of relaxing, but instead it left me feeling worn out and upset.

TV didn’t always affect me this way. Before I discovered the secret life my husband Wayne was living I just shrugged it off as ridiculous or strange or even on occasions mildly sad, but as soon as I got up to turn it off it was over, leaving no lasting effect on me whatsoever. After discovery, TV had an ability to make me feel like I was standing at a firing wall as my triggers literally shot their toxic bullets into my heart. I learned early on to stay away from certain shows that ran themes which were especially dangerous for me. After a while though, I found that one of my biggest triggers is considered to be politically correct, so it has a tendency to randomly pop its ugly little head up on just about any show I may choose to watch. Because of this I began to see the flat screen in my living room as ‘Trigger-Vision.’ There was many nights Wayne and I watched about 15 minutes of a show and then had to turn it to ‘This Old House’ re-runs because an unexpected trigger had danced across the screen.

I am now three years out from discovery. When we dive deep into the healing process a lot can happen in three years. My heart has healed to the point that I no longer get nauseous when I am confronted with one of my old triggers on the flat screen. My mind no longer resembles the perfect storm of ‘what if’ questions. Triggers that used to send me into a period of fear and sadness now serve to remind me of where we were and how far we have come, so in a way they have become triggers of gratitude for my Healer. Having said that, I still tend to stay away from shows that had previously been so toxic to my heart. At the end of the day when I am ready to turn on the TV and relax, I generally have used up most of my energy. Whatever I turn on is either going to breathe life back into me, or else suck what little I have left out. Personally, I would rather go to bed feeling full of life, not depleted of it. Sometimes that means choosing music or a good book over sitcoms.

I would love to hear from you. How does TV affect you? Is it ‘Trigger Vision’ for you as well? How do you handle it? Have you found ways to fill your heart with life rather than continuing to allow the TV to rob you of it? Leave a comment and let me know…

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absolutely true!

Yes, I'm just at the one year mark -almost- of d-day and watching TV or even trying to watch a movie together is hard.  Initially, it would hurt so much, I would say some comment out loud and have to leave the room because it opened the wound that was just starting to heal.  We would avoid movies that before we would have watched just because it dealt with the affair subject.  It's unbelievable just how many tv shows, or movies have that in the subject - but in an attempt to be entertaining and to make light out of the situation.  Where once I may have laughed - I now feel awful.  How can anyone think having an affair is something to keep us entertained?  To continusously find excuses with it? To be so "normal" behavior???? 

It is getting easier though.  As the healing continues - I'm less inclined to think of the world as against me I guess.  We can't let others lack of morals change us.

TV- Movies

Triggers: Try this- the fairy tale that entertainment calls "love". Every time I watch a show that shows two people "in love" without showing all the work that must go into it for both, I cringe. To really love is not an easy course of action, especially if the one you actively love thinks that an affair is OK because they are not "in love" with you anymore. To often the fairy tale entertainment that endeavors to show the pain an affair causes, also tends to show a miraculous recovery of the relationship which just does not happen.



 You are right, popular entertainment does not do a good job of showing what all goes into true love. Particularly married love. As sad as it is that they don't show the work that goes into it, it is also sad that they don't show the fun side of it either. Married life ends up looking boring and colorless, giving it's viewers the idea that fun ends when you say "I do". Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. There have been many studies done that show that as one man and one woman stay together in a married relationship, things tend to improve between them over time... Turns out there are plenty of "nods and winks"  that happen between married people that we don't get to see.


I've never been a tv or movie watcher. I watch the news, but that's usually all. There are a lot of triggers on the news. The biggest for me is music. I've always listened to music of all kinds. I have loads of triggers now when listening to music. I've had to cut back on listening. It's a loss I really miss. I wish I could learn to turn the triggers off when I listen. Ah well, I've lost so many other things that I use to enjoy. Now I just go through the day because I have to.

Triggers from TV

Oh, yes. Triggers from TV shows and movies.  So many plots and themes revolve around affairs or about "soul" mates or about the "one that got away".  As a betrayer, I feel the shame and guilt roll over me when it comes up.  I want to find a deep hole to disappear into because it makes me wonder "is my spouse thinking about my affair?"  I feel very uncomfortable with these plots and I don't like to watch them.

Trigger Vision

I have it bad. It seems every guy I have ever dated has watched movies that always have a half naked girl or sometimes fully naked. Just this year, I jumped off of the couch and had a panic attack. I was astounded and shocked that my new “ amazing “ boyfriend would put Roadhouse on to watch after I told him how I felt about certain shows and other women, etc. If I wouldn’t allow it to actually go on in front of my eyes, I don’t want to watch it on TV. He seemed to get it. But then, he was always picking movies with hot actresses. And when we’d go places, he’d see a girl from behind and just had to keep looking to see her face. This has weighed on me a lot. He also has gotten turned on by certain themes or a beautiful woman on screen. This is heart breaking to me because that woman is real and out there somewhere and it’s just so hurtful that every man I’ve dated and been with s had the same problems.

Then I discover he watched porn a couple of times in our relationship and also had playboys that I got rid of and we had a fight about because they were worth money. 12$ for a whole stack, I looked it up. I guess at the time my feelings were worth 12$. He works for an auction and was going to sell them. At first he told me he never looked at them. They were well looked at, you could tell… and then he told me he did.
Today, he seems to be better and like he wants to work through things and stop these pattern of behaviors, but I was on my way to healing from worse betrayal trauma before I met him and he did some same things to me. I’ve gained weight, I feel like crying a lot, I was numbing myself… still sometimes do and I don’t talk to God as much as I did.
I love this guy But, I’m not sure if I can come back from the porn use for sure.

I could burn all the cell phones, TV’s, computers, magazines, etc in the whole world and not miss ever seeing any of them again. But maybe I just need to be alone. Because there doesn’t seem to be anyone out there who can be faithful in their heart, mind, body and soul. The eyes absorb whatever we see and it goes to our hearts.

It hurts so much

I totally get you and if I didn’t know any better I’d have thought Id written this response. He loves tv and we look forward to ending our day watching a show(mattock, father brown, or other mystery show). But the everything is so sexual on tv. I get sick I told my counselor and right in front of my husband he says “you know where this comes from right? Your insecurities.” I was so anger at our last session I could have torn that whole office up. Men can really harm us . I felt so stupid and fragile all at once like I’m the only one with a problem.

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