Don't Waste this Sorrow

Samuel, Alumnus
Submitted by Samuel 10 years 11 months

If you've experienced infidelity on either side, you've most definitely experienced an indescribable amount of sorrow. Today I discuss how to not waste this pain and truly experience healing and restoration in your own life, regardless of what side you're on.

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What to read next

Why Decide Now?
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Are You Attached to an Outcome?
What is Grieving and How Does it Help? Part 2

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas
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Comments

Submitted by MCB on 10 years 11 months

Samuel, I love to read or watch your contributions. You have a way with words. I am the betrayed and I am very early in the process. I am asking my husband to do an EMS weekend with me, but so far, he is not willing. I was wondering if there was a moment, or several moments, of the EMS weekend that was the turning point for you. What changed your perspective so drastically from being so self-absorbed? I'm sure there were many, but was was the first thing that "broke through"? Thank you for being so open and honest. You give me such hope.

Submitted by Samuel on 10 years 11 months
MCB, you're very kind. thank you for the support. the breakthroughs came in waves, but the ems weekend was a major component to me seeing the light. the breakthroughs came as i heard from people like rick who had been there before and were experts. don't get me wrong, losing everything definitely helped me...hahaha, but also just hearing from experts who knew what i was thinking and knew how i was feeling and knew how to help me see things differently. also, i needed an outside, third party. i couldn't hear from samantha these things. i needed to hear it from someone else i didn't have a history with, and didn't have resentment towards and didn't have rejection or perceived rejection from. so it needed to be someone who was able to help me see things from an outside perspective with no history with them. i hope he will consider it and i hope he will come. it will be life changing for sure. thank you so much for your heartfelt comments. means more than you know.

Submitted by MCB on 10 years 11 months

Do you feel that the EMS Online program would have the same impact? Perhaps I can convince him to do that one. The cost of the weekend is an issue.....

Submitted by Samuel on 10 years 11 months
mcb, the ems online course is exceptional, however, it is not facilitated by a professional and for what you seem to be dealing with, i would try and put my best foot forward. for what you're describing, it may be too opportunity-filled for him to simply disconnect it and not engage with the material or the other couples. for someone like you in your particular position, i would go for gold as they say and do all I could to do the weekend as its far more effective for him and for your own recovery as well.

Submitted by Joanna (not verified) on 10 years 11 months

another amazing blog clip
trouble is i am the betrayed - husband left me and our two kids 5 and 6yrs and has moved in with one of his work colleagues - and has now instructed is lawyer to write to me asking me to file for divorce on adultery
that was one year ago - what choice do i have? there has been no communication at all - if he is feeling sorrow i have no idea
there was no chance
i want to send him the link to this website but i think that would be "chasing" so i have not
i tried to build bridges by email up to the day 5 months after he moved out when he got his lawyer to invite me to file for divorce
i guess i need to not waste my sorrow and i cannot control what he does in any way (although it is an exact double to exactly what his father did to his mother 30 yrs ago - and they still dont talk to each other even now 30 yrs on)

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on 10 years 11 months

I've been watching Samuel's blog, and it's so insightful and helpful. I don't think my marriage will survive. My husband is still in love with her, and doesn't "feel it" for me and hasn't for a long time, even before the affair. However, these blogs are really helping me to understand. I especially appreciate "Don't Waste Your Sorrow." And I'm an atheist, so I appreciate that these blogs are useful for me as well. So, thanks again.

Submitted by Samuel on 10 years 11 months
anonymous..i'm thrilled you watch my vlogs. thank you so much for your kindness and willingness to respond. I do my best to make them relatable and palatable. your comment means the world to me and i hope they continue to inspire you and move you forward in your own recovery. reach out anytime my friend. take care.

Submitted by dfulcher on 10 years 11 months

Samuel thank you for this post in many ways it has been one of your best because I feel it really cut right through everything and gets to the heart of it. Kind of reminds me of the Gettysburg Address Abraham Lincoln got up to make a speech about the importance of the struggle going on in the country at that time he followed this great orator who spoke for around two hours the he got up and in a few words said all that was really needed at the time he sat down he thought he had failed but he was the only one who did and his words live on. I can't say that your words will live on like his did but you in just a short time really did get to the heart of this journey and I am sure there are a few who will remember to not waist their sorrow. Thanks
David

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