I Didn’t Always Lose…..I Won’t Always Lose Again

One of my favorite movies since our own D-Day is Cinderella Man with Russell Crowe. It’s a classic tale of a man who loses everything, pushes through the recession and rises again to be a championship fighter. I cry every time and I feel like conquering the world after I watch it. I highly recommend it for both betrayed and unfaithful spouses as a bit of a journey into the world of ‘coming back’ and finding hope and faith again. During a pivotal scene James Braddock, played by Russell Crowe, utters a line I’ve found myself saying over and over again sometimes during tough times…..

“I didn’t always lose…..I won’t always lose again.”

As a business man, I’ve lost a ton of deals and even more money. It hurt like hell every single time. I’ve also had some wonderful years and some unbelievable months and opportunities.

As a professional baseball player, I had some wonderful outings as a pitcher that would make you wonder why I’m not still pitching in the big leagues to this day. I’ve also had some outings where I wonder why anyone ever signed me to a contract.

I’ve also preached some sermons as a pastor that I wonder why Rick Warren or various Christian TV Programs aren’t calling me to be on their show weekly. Then I’ve preached some sermons that made me question whether or not I was even a Christian.

It’s true in life and it’s true in recovery. We probably didn’t always lose and suffer and blow it like we have, and we won’t keep failing and losing in life if we get the right help and the right recovery mechanisms in place. Everyone in their own recovery process at times wants to quit and give up and throw it all away. The pressure, the anger, the misunderstanding, the resentment, the residue: it all just eats you up sometimes.

Last night a gentleman I work with texted me “I quit….I’m done.”

How many times have I felt the same way? How many more times has Samantha felt the same way. I replied “You can quit. For tonight. Don’t do anything stupid. Go to bed then get up and get back at it. It won’t always be this hard.”

That’s my thoughts and encouragement for you today my friend. It won’t always be this hard. Today may be excruciating and last night or even the last few weeks may have been enormously difficult. You may have lost everything in business or in life. I get it. Believe me, check my own text message thread for the last 9 years and you’ll see more carnage, failure and stubbornness than you can shake a stick at.

But today is about pushing through and not giving up.

If you’re an unfaithful, it won’t always be this hard or difficult. If you’re a betrayed, it won’t always hurt this much and it won’t always be cloudy every day. Do something for you today. If the situation is right, or even open, do two something’s for your spouse today. You won’t always feel what you are feeling right now. I know it hurts like hell, but you have a choice how you respond to it today. I pray you find the grace to go another day, moving forward, not backward in even an incremental way.

I didn’t always lose….I won’t always lose again…..

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I wanted to quit last night

I needed to hear that today. I have many times wanted to quit. As the betrayed, I've supressed my pain for the sake of my marriage. I'm learning to finally grieve in private after 9 months. My husband became enraged when I couldn't contain my pain, I couldn't hold it in.
I can't explain the depth of that pain. His anger and complete lack of empathy was more than I could take. For all those beautiful women who are feeling alone during this process, you are not alone. God is right there with you. Never give up. I pray for all those who betrayed their spouse to find the right way to help the healing. No matter what happens, I do know that without God.... I will never heal.

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