The trauma of infidelity is just plain excruciating. There are very few words that adequately describe the pain both spouses endure when bewildered and disillusioned by pain, uncertainty and resentment. Trying to function in everyday life while suffering through crisis can push you to do things you never thought you’d do, say things you never thought you’d say, and think things you never thought you’d think.

There are three key ingredients I have found necessary for my own life, but hopefully this can also be helpful for your life:

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three  1 Corinthians 13:13

I’d like to take a different approach to “these three” today. I’m sure you’ve found that during profound times of difficulty, cliché’s prove to be empty and nauseating at best.

Today I’d like to share with you a quick thought that has given me newfound hope lately. The truth is, many times in life whether dealing with the horror of infidelity or other significant struggles, we have more control over what’s happening in us than what is happening around us.

This morning I was thinking through the concept of faith, hope, and love a bit differently and realized I must have faith that God does indeed love me and my marriage and my family, which produces a true hope for my future. It’s this hope that gives me the ability to hold on to proper perspective for my own wellbeing. If I truly have this faith and this hope, it will also spill over into love for my spouse, my family, difficult people in my life, and even the trials I face. It will also produce a greater love in my heart for both God and what He is trying to do in my life through these challenging circumstances. When I see my trial as prompting me to rely on God, it becomes a blessing rather than just a trial. Whenever I find myself relying God, I feel secure and in a good place. I’m a dangerous person when I’m not dependent on grace and provision in life.

The reality is, as we grow older we want to need God less and crave autonomy. We just like to not need things and like to be secure on our own. It wounds our pride to admit we need something or someone.

When you’re experiencing crisis and uncertainty, we can lose faith that God knows what we need. That will quickly eradicate our hope and then literally strangle the love out of our lives.

Today I encourage you to think through where your faith rests today. Is it in your spouse? I hope not, as we learn very quickly in crisis like this, that we cannot hope solely in our spouse to give us what we need. If your hope is in your spouse’s ability to save themselves, fix themselves or come out of the fog on their own, I hope you’ll reconsider that faith. It will only let you down and lengthen the nightmare I’m quite sure you’re living.

I’d like to invite you to turn today from the insanity of it all and the sheer hopelessness life wants to give you and pray a simple prayer that will invite God to care for you today: Lord, help my unbelief.

As your simple faith grows, hope is born anew and love will be a necessary by-product of the transformational process you give yourself over to.