Three Stages and Perspectives

I was studying for a message the other day and stumbled upon a fantastic sermon. I didn’t catch his name, but I heard an analogy that was spot on for crisis and transition in life.

When in the birthing room, there are typically three key individuals in the room: the mother, the baby, and the midwife. In the process of birth, the baby comes to what they call the “point of transition,” or “the point of no return.” The baby is no longer in the womb, and but is not yet in the world. It’s a transition, but it’s a unique place. It’s this backdrop which creates the image of the three key players, or in this case, three stages we go through as a couple or an individual who is trying to heal.

The mother is consumed by the pain. Of course she is, it hurts like hell. She is focused mainly on managing the pain. The pain is off the charts, and whether it’s drugs, pain numbers, or an epidural, the main struggle is how to deal with the pain of it all. When we are in the ‘mother stage’ if you will, we are consumed with finding management for the pain.  We look for pain management relationships, books to read on pain, people to talk to about our pain, and how to find relief for the pain. The pain is about all we can focus on, and it’s real life pain which is more like trauma.

The baby is different. The baby, if it had a voice, would be along the lines of “Why are you inconveniencing me? Why must I leave what I have? Free food, free transportation, climate control, you name it, why do I need to leave? And, you want me to go where? Let’s just leave things the way they are, and go forward with what we have.” The baby doesn’t want to be inconvenienced. The baby says ”Let’s just put it past us and move on. Why make changes when things are going well enough for me? Let’s keep things the way they are. Sure, I’ll grow, and sure I’ll get bigger, but let’s just let it be and enjoy what we have. It’s the best it’s going to get. Stop trying to push me.”

The midwife however, has a job. Her main job is to birth the baby.  It’s to get the baby out of the womb and to produce the child that the pain and inconvenience is surrounding. The midwife is calm, strategic, and has a plan. The midwife is aware of the pain, and is aware of the inconvenience this is to the baby, but has her mind on the baby and what is going to be produced by the process in which all three stages, or players, are involved in.  Without the midwife, the baby will not come, or much worse, the baby will get stuck in the birth canal. This is where brain damage happens, and this is where if not careful, the baby can become injured due to frustration. The baby will be born for sure, but what kind of condition will the baby be in and what damage will be done to the child if the process isn’t strategic?

The midwife has an awesomely difficult job, of managing pain, managing some inherent refusal to change, and the process by which the baby will be born in all its glory, splendor, and beauty. The midwife knows that eventually a baby is going to be born and the pain and the hurt will eventually fade away, to be forgotten in time.

Recovery can be beautiful my friends. It truly can. The new birth of your marriage can be both glorious and beautiful. It will most likely be messy, and will definitely require some pain, some inconvenience, and sacrifice. It will most definitely require a “midwife.” That midwife may be Rick Reynolds, or one of his programs, or an expert of his caliber.

You can also use these three key players as stages you are going to go through. My hope is you will come to the midwife stage where you say, “there is a purpose to this pain and there is a promise of a better marriage we are birthing here. We can’t get lost in the pain, or the inconvenience or resistance, but must get enveloped by the purpose of birthing our recovery and our new marriage right now.”

I pray we all become midwives for our marriage, our future, and our own recovery. 

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