Three Tips for Surviving Betrayal Trauma: The Aftermath of Infidelity and the Corona-virus

Samuel discusses how to navigate trauma in light of recent world events.

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Timely

This is so timely during another time of our lives when our own piece of the world has been thrown into chaos. It’s reinforcing in my own world as I look out the window with a snowstorm blowing around, that I can use the tools that I have “learned” in HH, EMS Intensive Weekend, and MFL that can help keep me grounded weathering another possibly life altering experience with Covid-19. Thanks Samuel for keeping the videos coming out to us.

appreciate you. thank you

thank you for the great feedback.

 

Oh my goodness I am so

Oh my goodness I am so grateful for this this morning!!! It completely puts into perspective what I’ve been feeling for over a week and makes me feel so much less alone. I couldn’t figure out why the heck I was feeling the way I was. And what you said about “I thought I was so much further along” hit the nail on the head. I thought I was going backward! I’m so relieved. Thank you!!

happy to help

thank you for the kind words.  

Thank you

Thank you for the encouragement. There are a few things that have been helping us during this time and have actually given us a sense of peace. I look at this time as a blessing for my husband and I, as we now have increased time together at home to focus on healing. The enormity of what I learned on T-day (I call it truth day), seems so much larger to my little world than anything going on outside. My world was rocked January 18 and I feel like nothing could get worse than this pain.

Some helpful ideas, some that Samuel touched on:
1. Use this time to talk and study together. It will accelerate your healing. We do a daily Bible study as husband and wife and we pray together multiple times during the day. We just stop what we’re doing and pray. We also listen to the AR videos together. That has been a huge blessing. My husband is a first responder so is gone 24 hours at a time, we try to text each other throughout the day and we were meeting together to pray before his station became off-limits. He calls me every night before bed and we pray together over the phone
2. We have been going to therapy twice a week as a couple, and once a week on our own. Our counselor said he can do remote sessions if needed.
3. Read marriage books and discuss.
4. Go for long walks or drives together and talk, talk, talk.
5. Make love more often. ❤️
6. We have downloaded hymns and worship music and have stopped listening to secular music. Who needs more reminders of how ugly the world is in push to glorify sin?
7. Cook meals and eat together. I’ve also been making meals for others. I get up and make my husband breakfast before work so that we can sit together and do Bible study.
8. Reach out to trusted friends of the marriage, call or message, renew relationships.
9. Take more naps together and just hold each other.
10. Journal more. Think and write and do some self discovery. This week I’m going to make a list of things I like about myself. That might seem strange, but my self-esteem took a hit the last couple of months. I need to remind myself about who I am as a child of God, the gifts and the talents and the wisdom that he has instilled in me in my 63 years on this earth.
11. Make the most of this time of more togetherness without the worldly distractions. Stay off social media as much as possible and turn off the news as much as possible. It can be quite destructive to make that your focus.

Be well!

thanks for posting

appreciate your input.  thank you

EMS Weekend for women only?

Hi Samuel, I’m part of a Facebook group that’s for UW’s who are committed to restoring our marriages. Several of us reference Affair Recovery quite often and a few have attended EMSW. Would AR ever consider a weekend intensive just for us? Many of us have attended them, but found ourselves very shunned and cast as outsiders, thus making it impossible to form any supportive connections. Our group is 1000+ strong. Thanks for your videos! They were instrumental in helping my husband and I restore our marriage.

so glad you're here.

i think if enough of you and I can talk it through, we'd consider something like that for sure.  obviously it will be later down the road with all the craziness but it would be something to consider for sure. 

 

Shunned

I feel the same thing being on the other side of betrayal. It’s certainly not a cake walk working through this incredibly difficult journey.
I was fortunate enough to talk to one of the wives who was the betrayer at our EMS Intensive Weekend. She gave me insights into her own broken world. Being able to connect with her and get a tiny bit of understanding of where she was coming from helped me better understand the brokenness that I was feeling. She did a video on AR with Samuel. Compassion, Empathy and Grace? I see that this is a work in progress for both sides of infidelity. Thanks for being vulnerable and asking for this conference. I know one of the speakers from the 2018 Hope Rising was also the betrayer. Healing is for ALL of us going through this incredibly difficult journey.

betrayal

After 5 months of keeping the secret that my husband betrayed me (married for 36 years), I searched the net for somewhere that I could share my secret without my grown children finding out. I never heard the term betrayal trauma and realize that is exactly what I am experiencing. Thanks for your site. I will continue to look for guidance from your site in order to heal.

so glad you're here.

thank you for posting and watching. 

Surviving on top of surviving

I appreciate this website so much and the videos from Samuel and Wayne. I am a new member but have been active (almost to the point of an addiction) in my recovery from day one from my husband's affair. D-Day was April 5th last year (2019), so on top of COVID I'm extremely triggered/sensitive by the upcoming 'anniversary'. I'm still waiting on full disclosure from my husband who is 'working on it'. He's still mostly in the 'I just want this to go away camp'. Needless-to-say, I feel traumatized still on top of being traumatized. I still go to my office during the day even though most of our staff is working from home just to get out of my house. It's hard enough being with my husband at night and on weekends let alone all day as well! I have such anxiety most the time. We have two boys age 10 and 13.
I appreciate hearing all of the encouraging words because most days I don't know how anyone lives through this pain and it's hard to believe it will actually end one day. I can't imagine waking up one day without my heart aching.
If anyone could anyone give some suggestions (betrayed and unfaithfuls) on how to handle the first D-Day anniversary I'd be so grateful. I'm struggling with this so much.
Much love and light to all!

help for you

here are a couple videos that should help you my friend:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDKSwnzSwRk&t=9s and this one too:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-RUSpb0_DA&t=425s   those will help you at the least a bit.  it all comes back full circle sometimes.  it will be a dark couple of days before and after I would assume, but you have to remember it's not that you're losing ground....it's that the pain is coming back up to the surface and will dissipate as well.  thank you for your kind words and i'm so glad you're here on the site.