Category 4 - Having Your Cake and Eating it Too

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This category of affair is similar to the Country Club Affair in that the betrayer is involved with a single person, but at the same time he or she does not want to leave their marriage. To them, the affair partner is a soul mate.

These affairs frequently spring from a relationships where the two individuals share something in common such as music, art, or some other common interest. Typically, this area is something they don't share in common with their mate, so they turn to this person for understanding, companionship and support.

It is as if this person develops two lives. They share one part of themselves with their mate and then they reserve another aspect of life for the affair partner. Daily activities and information are divided into two realms: that which will be shared with the spouse, and that which will be shared with the affair partner. Usually this type of affair indicates that there are other deficits in the marriage, but like I stated before, these marital problems in no way excuse the infidelity. They are areas that will need to be addressed in order to strengthen the marriage.

Characteristics:

• The individual wants to stay married.
• It's not unusual for the affair partner to be referred to as a soul mate.
• The betrayer's life is divided into two parts, the part that they share with their mate and the part that they share with their soul mate. Therefore two distinct sets of needs are met by two distinct relationships.