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Because the body is (at least in part) the location of our trauma—the body must also be a location of healing.
~Aundi Kolber
About a year after discovering my husband's affair, my body started to capsize under relentless waves of sickness. An illness would hit. I'd recover...
Post infidelity, I found myself in a new world filled with all sorts of triggers. Not only would reminders from my marriage and husband trigger me, but I was also triggered by reminders of my AP.
One notable occasion was a breakdown at a diner. The waitress asked, "what type of toast would you like? We have white, wheat, rye, and sourdough." Sourdough bread. Did she just mention sourdough bread? Memories related to sourdough bread rush to the forefront of my...
How often have you done something you didn't want to do? Behavior doesn't always fall in line with motive, and motives behind cheating are vast and complicated. However, I would like to offer insight into the most common questions people ask after an affair. If you're still left wondering, "Why?" take our free Affair Analyzer online for a personalized action plan for surviving infidelity and healing after an affair.
"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies, it comes from those you trust the most." ~Author Unknown
You are probably familiar with the fable of the Boy Who Cried Wolf. The tale concerns a shepherd boy who intentionally and repeatedly fools villagers into believing a wolf is attacking the town's flock of sheep. He cries, “Wolf! Wolf!” to watch them all come running, but they arrive to find there is no wolf. He does this several times, and...
Let’s sing a fun, creative, and original song about self care (and discuss it too)! Rodney and Angela in this episode discuss the importance of self care, from the small things to the large. When your life is blown up from infidelity, self care is essential to ensure we don't lose ourselves while working through and recovering from infidelity. We hope you enjoy this Self...
I am often asked by unfaithful spouses, "What does doing the work mean?" This is a valid question because infidelity recovery can be overwhelming and confusing. Most do not even know where to start. We are not offered a class in college called "Infidelity Recovery 101". I also hear people say, "I am not a sex addict." "I only had one affair." "It was only a one-night stand." "Do I have to do the same type of work?" Below are three evidence-based...
This article was written by an Affair Recovery alumna who was a betrayed female. We are passionate about our community members sharing their stories and insights as they move through the healing process. We hope the author of this article can be an encouragement and light to you today.
If someone asked me to describe how I felt four years ago when I discovered my husband's infidelity, I would reply with words like indescribable pain and complete shock....
Find guidance to healing after infidelity with EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and restore their lives.
If you've ever read one of my emails, you may have noticed that my closing remark is always "To healing." Recently someone asked what that means to me? What is healing...
Cover more ground faster with the life-changing experience of EMS Weekend for couples.
After the revelation of an affair or other sexually inappropriate behavior, it is, unfortunately, very easy for both the unfaithful spouse and the betrayed spouse to make a series of well-meaning mistakes which further complicate the situation and the healing process.
Listed below are just a few of these common mistakes. We hope that this information will help guide you!
In this episode, Rodney and Angela sing “How Great Thou Art/Then Sings My Soul" as they discuss infidelity, hope, and healing around the holiday season. We know the holiday season can be challenging, but when we look upwards and stand in awe of everything God has done, we can find Hope. Rodney & Angela encourage you through this personal song of love, gratitude, and adoration.
Finding Joy in the Holidays - Alumna Blog by Melissa Fisher
Don’t just survive the holidays; use them as a catalyst for hope, healing, and flourishing in new life by finding the Joy in them. The holidays are one of the many difficult times an individual faces when healing from infidelity and our Alumna, Melissa speaks directly to this challenge while giving your practical and real guidance, tips,...
Hope for Healing registration opens today at Noon CT.
Designed specifically for wayward spouses, Hope for Healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy. Over the years, this 17-week, small group course has helped thousands of people find hope, set healthy boundaries and move toward extraordinary lives. Click the button below to find out more.
Disclaimer: This may be a difficult article for some of you to read. Before reading, take a moment to consider how far along you are in recovery. Those who are newer to recovery will not be able to process the information in this article from an objective perspective. The information is important to understand, but the last thing we want to do is to cause unnecessary pain. Our suggestion is to wait until you are further along in recovery so you will be able to truly absorb all the article has to say. For...
We are so excited to finally share with you a brand new season of 'Songs for the Soul' with Rodney...
Part 1: Difficulties with Intimacy Part 2: Difficulties with Intimacy for the Betrayed Part 3: Difficulties with Intimacy for the Unfaithful
In recent years, one of the most popular topics in sexology has been female sexual desire disorders. For the past four decades, women have been pathologized for not being...
Years ago, I ran multiple marathons. Reflecting back, I realize that marathon running wasn't just an individual sport; it was a group effort where other competitors shared my experience. The people I trained with encouraged and pushed me, helping me achieve goals I never thought possible. During the races...
Join other betrayed mates on the path to healing with our life-changing Harboring Hope online course and start a better, brighter chapter.
Long ago when I was first starting out in business, I had a friend who abused and misused me. The circumstance was simple. After committing to partner with me on a business plan, he told me he had found a more promising partner, took my idea and ran away. In the blink of an eye, I was on the outside, crushed by the fickle...
Did you marry the wrong person? A whopping 30% of divorced women believe they did, at least according to Jennifer Gauvain.1 How can so many people be getting it wrong? Was the other party so deceptive that they were fooled into marrying the wrong person? Or perhaps they failed to listen to their own intuition and chose to marry anyway, only to discover later that they made a grievous, life-alterning mistake? Perhaps it isn't about who you married but rather your expectations of the marriage.
Years ago, a...
Recently, I was talking with a client about the concept of powerlessness. In most 12 step recovery programs, the first step is to acknowledge we are powerless and our lives are unmanageable. Something I find to be an excellent antidote to powerlessness and unmanageability is acceptance. I also find acceptance to be a crucial part of healing after an affair:
Today, I'd like to share an excerpt from our Harboring Hope course.
As you may or may not know, all of our authors, contributors, therapists, and vloggers have personally survived an infidelity crisis. When we say “we get it,” we really do. We understand your pain and frustration and desperate need for clarity and direction. We've felt your struggle personally and have lived to tell about it. We are here to help guide you through it.
This article is not just for the Betrayed individual. Reading...
This week's article explores the question: "After the affair came to light, what didn't you know that you needed to know?"
A hundred wayward spouses could tell you what they wish they'd known, and all of their responses would carry some merit. Today, however, I'd like to turn the lens on myself — an unfaithful spouse — to share six things I wish I'd known as well as what I've observed over my 30-plus years of marriage.
One of the most frustrating issues when recovering from betrayal trauma is the ongoing emotional flooding that comes from the loss, deception, reminders, and intrusive thoughts. Long after a couple commits to work on the marriage, a fire-breathing trauma-dragon will raise its head and scorch the little progress they make. I call it a dragon because this type of trauma appears as if from nowhere for a ruthless surprise attack. This dragon of trauma is difficult to describe, so...
"Now I get it," an angry spouse shouted at their mate.
I doubt it, I thought to myself. I was speaking with a couple that, after infidelity, had been working for five months to understand the "why" of the affair.
While trying to explain the dynamics of the relationship and the frequency of contact with the affair partner, the betrayed spouse concluded, "You obviously never loved me. I never did anything to hurt you."
The wayward spouses rebutted, "Are you serious? You were so controlling. I had no voice in our...
After almost seventeen years of helping couples and individuals professionally, I have discovered that crises affect us far more than we are aware. The impact of a crisis, whatever it may be, must be dealt with if we ever want to find healing and hope for a better future.
The trauma experienced by a couple upon the revelation of a betrayal is no small matter, and it creates a raw, emotional upheaval that must be...
Recovering from an affair isn't just a matter of how badly someone wants to heal, it's also a matter of time and dedicated, intentional work. I can't tell you how many times I get asked, "How long is this going to take?" My answer is always, "It depends." One thing is for sure: Recovering from an affair will take longer than both of you expected, and it's not necessarily based on how much you want to recover.
It has been my experience that it takes most...
Today, I'd like to begin by reflecting on a conversation I once had with an angry, wayward spouse. He had been trying to gain his wife's forgiveness ever since his affair two years prior. Sadly, he wasn't making much progress. The sad part in this particular situation wasn't her inability to forgive him, it was the fact that the bitterness...
Whenever I write or speak about forgiveness, I'm always amazed at the outpouring of heartfelt comments. I grieve over the pain expressed by those who've been injured, and I pray that their mates will come to understand and appreciate the price they've paid on their behalf.
After a betrayal, forgiveness is necessary for your own healing. It's not an easy process, though, and it comes with its own set of challenges. The key challenge when forgiving infidelity is the ongoing consequences of the betrayal.
