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What is Healing?
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Learn More | EMS OnlineIf you've ever read one of my emails, you may have noticed that my closing remark is always "To healing." Recently someone asked what that means to me? What is healing?
Webster's Dictionary says that it's "tending to cure or restore to health." All of us living on this planet are well aware of the wounds life brings and the need we all have for healing.
Healing enables me to wake each day feeling fortunate to be alive. It grants me freedom to live beyond the painful events of my past and liberates me to move forward, enriched by what has happened. While my scars will always be there, they are healed, and although each wound tells a story, I don't dwell in the past anymore.
Life is hard. And as those of you reading certainly understand, it isn't fair. It's bad enough to try to handle the problems and pain created by my own poor decisions, but it's even worse when I have no choice or control over the difficulties perpetrated against me by life and/or by others, especially my spouse. These wounds, received in the process of life, will either enrich or destroy our lives. But we do get to choose which it will be.
I think an honest evaluation of life confirms the reality of life's pitfalls, but what vexes me are those who choose to not get back up. Why would anyone choose not to heal? What would cause us to choose to remain tethered to life's injustice rather than to push forward, even if it's an extremely slow and arduous process, in order to ultimately heal and find new life?
Negativism
One factor causing people to choose pain over healing is negativism.
To heal, there has to be a desire to live. Choosing life takes courage.
I once read that courage is the condition where your desire for life is greater than your fear of death. A person trapped in a burning building may have to run through a wall of flames to escape. It takes courage to act in the face of fear. But if their desire for life isn't stronger than their fear of death, then they'll never find the courage to run to freedom.
When wounded, some seem to prefer their current state of misery over taking the risk that comes with experiencing life.
You never have to worry about disappointment if you never allow yourself to take a chance on life. But at the same time, you never get to experience life's joy if you're not willing to heal and move on. Healing is a willingness to take a chance on life. There's the risk of failure and of being wounded once again, but without that risk, there's never opportunity to experience life's abundance.
Healing is a willingness to take a chance on life. There's the risk of failure and of being wounded once again, but without that risk, there's never opportunity to experience life's abundance.
Vengeance
Some choose not to heal because they want to punish the ones who have wounded them.
They believe that healing would somehow let the ones who have wounded them off the hook. In reality, "healing" is the only process whereby those who are wounded can let themselves off the hook. Why would you want to suffer for the sake of making someone else pay?
I can look at it one of two ways. First, I can fight the injustice that someone did this to me by staying focused on what they've done, refusing to let go, sacrificing my current and future happiness, and bludgeoning the perpetrators in my life with my miserable state. Relief comes when I believe they have paid for their crimes. But the net result isn't healing, but rather, getting justice.
Second, I can choose forgiveness, letting go of the debt incurred by others and choosing to focus on what brings life. This scenario is about a refusal to let circumstances rob me of my attitude of choice. There are a few things that we control in life, but one factor I do control is my attitude. I can choose to heal and do what's necessary to move forward, even if that journey has numerous stages to it.
Pride
Sometimes it's not for lack of motivation but for lack of knowledge that people don't heal. As humans, we tend to think that doing more of the same will somehow bring about the change we're seeking, but it won't. If I had been capable of changing, it would have happened a long time ago.
To heal, we have to take on a beginner's mind and assume that we may not know what or how it will happen.
It seems that some would rather remain in their wounded state than abandon their pride and admit they may not be right. Where there is healing, there is a simple humility that allows us to receive from others and to find a path that can restore our health.
"To healing" is about my wish for you to have a more complete life. My hope is that by grace, we all experience new life.
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Comments
How do you heal when you…
How do you heal when you have to look into the face of the person that destroyed you, every single day?
That's such a hard situation…
In reply to How do you heal when you… by Anonymous
That's such a hard situation. Thank you for your question. For myself, I couldn't look at my unfaithful husband every day. I needed space and safety, so my husband and I lived separately for a few months while I wrapped my head around my situation and came up with a game plan. This included reading lots of resources, establishing good boundaries, surrounding myself with a small but solid support network, and fervently praying for guidance. Only then was I in a place to begin moving forward.
Everyone's situation is different, but if healing is the goal, and safety is required for healing (which it is), then creating a safe environment for yourself is pivotal. This doesn't have to mean physical separation. Many people successfully establish an environment that allows for an in-home separation. Many find that proceeding with strong boundaries offers the level of safety needed to move forward into recovery. Working with a professional therapist can be very helpful in navigating what is right for you.
I’m always amazed by how…
I’m always amazed by how shaming this content can be. One person’s healing may not look like another’s. Further, an affair is abuse and asking the victims of this abuse to forgive their abuser is ignorant at the highest levels and shows that this content is, at times, not trauma led. You would never say these things to a victim of rape. Please don’t say it to those whose lives have been ruined in innumerable ways by their mates.
I can hear a lot of pain in…
In reply to I’m always amazed by how… by Anonymous
I can hear a lot of pain in your words. I'm sorry someone hurt you so badly. I understand that with where you're at right now, the idea of forgiveness may seem inconceivable to you. That's okay. To say that it isn't possible however, denies the reality that many people are living, myself included. Not only was forgiveness possible (after much individual recovery work on my part) but it was pivotal to my healing so that I didn't develop a hardened, resentful heart, which would affect my relationships with everyone in my life. Forgiveness was always about my best good, not my unfaithful husband's. There are some pretty common misconceptions about what forgiveness actually means but it can be equally helpful to understand what it's not. I've included an article about that very topic that I think you may find helpful.
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