Rick's Q & A Call on March 4

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Forgiveness

It has been three months since d day, but three weeks since I was told the truth of the affair and all it's details. My husband wants my forgiveness, but I don't want to give it. If my heart isnt ready to be vulnerable with him. Question: does forgiveness have to happen now, or can we move forward with healing, and forgiveness will come later? Thanks

Healthy sexual relationship

My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years. However, a year ago he broke our marriage vows by having an affair with another woman. He came clean and asked for forgiveness. I have been walking in Grace and Forgiveness and trying to love and respect him with all my heart. However, he still won't have sex with me. It has been over a year. He has been rejecting me. I don't understand it. He says he doesn't like sex and never has. My questions are: 1)Is this normal? 2) Why would he have a sexual affair if he never liked sex? (Well I understand that I was a disrepecting wife for most of our marriage and he found someone who finally made him feel respected) 3)Why for 10 years did he often pursue me as if he did enjoy sex? 4) Is this something he should see a sex therapist about or, do you think it may be addressed in the EMS online class?

Me too-

Except it was her who had the affair which included sex. I was even told once that "I will never have sex with anyone unless I know I am truly in love with him. Well, maybe once more with you as a trial." I guess I failed the trial, because almost a year later, I got my trial, and for more than a year and a half not another chance. Why does she get upset if I feel like leaving when she makes so much noise about not wanting intimacy with me?

Detaching

How do I detach from my husband's recovery? This reconciliation is on my mind 24/7 and I read books, listen to sermons, post questions on here, read the forum, pray, memorize scripture, active in church and our ladies prayer group. Work on my "garbage" like my dependent personality and fears. How do I quit paying attention to his recovery? He just hasn't quite "gotten it yet" and we are headed into week 6 of EMSO. I wake up everyday wondering if today will be the day that he really sees how this has affected me and that he doesn't think of himself foremost. How do quit taking on his recovery? I just want him to get it...to feel for me and not focus on his pain. AM *I* being selfish now? I feel so messed up. I don't know how to become healthy without him and honestly THAT scares the crap out of me.

Intimacy Arguments

My wife and I cannot peaceably discuss intimacy. I feel like there should be both physical and emotional intimacy in our marriage, while she believes we can survive as a couple with just emotional. When I want to talk about intimacy and try to increase our emotional intimacy, she thinks I am wanting sex and refuses to participate. How can I approach the idea of her allowing emotional intimacy and non-sexual physical touch when she believes I will just want more?

Counselors

My husband is in an emotional/physical affair in which he confessed to me he is in love with the AP. He has communicated to me he would like to work on our marriage but wants to seek counseling for his affair addiction which started out as an internet pornography addiction before he will work on the marriage. He feels if he doesn't handle these issues our work on recovery will be for nothing. Question I have is what qualifications should the counselor have to deal with these specific problems. Can you list what he should be asking to determine who he goes to. I don't want him to go to a counselor to have him explore his feelings for the AP and myself and the counselor giving him an option of deciding who he should be with. I heard this happens and am very worried. I want to make sure he is going to someone that works with infidelity and recovery of marriages.

What type of affair was it?

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas