Finding My Safe Place

I believe I was in middle school when I first began noticing “SAFE PLACE” signs around town. I remember asking Mom what they were about. She explained that they were posted on buildings where a person could go if they were in trouble and in need of a safe place to find help. About fifteen years later, after I discovered my husband Wayne’s betrayals, I found myself in need of a safe place. Not a physical one with a black and yellow sign out front, but an emotional one where I could be real without fear of judgment or unsolicited advice.

The first few months after discovery, I felt anything but safe with Wayne. Looking back, it is very obvious to me what a blessing it was to be surrounded by about a half a dozen women who poured love on me during that time of such brokenness.

One thing that made them such a sweet and invaluable part of my healing was that they loved both Wayne and me. When they prayed over me, they would pray for his healing and restoration as well.

It was because they believed in both of us that I felt safe enough to share my heart with them. Whether I was in a moment filled with hope, or in one brimming over with despair, I could go to them and find safety. There were days when I shared the overflow of hope that I felt being poured over me, and days when I was free to just sit with them and cry over the overwhelming pain and sadness that I felt. And on the days when I felt both of those emotions and about fifteen variations in-between them, they just rolled through the ups and downs with me. It truly was quite the rollercoaster of a time for me. I can’t imagine how I would have gotten through it without their love, support, and prayers. I am so grateful for each one of them, and for the safe place that they provided for me during a time that I so desperately needed it.

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It's been a year and I still

It's been a year and I still feel that roller coaster of emotions. Going to church seems to give me a day or two of hope, but as the week goes on (even with daily bible reading) I start to despair again. Am I still suppose to feel this way? I was in a group early on, but we all went our own ways and do not keep in touch. Do I need to get into another group?

Jennifer, First let me say

Jennifer,

First let me say how sorry I am that you have lost your support group. You ask how you are suppose to feel... One thing I have learned is that when we are mourning a heart wound there is no "should" or "should not". Our hearts all heal in their own way and at their own pace. If you are still feeling this way it may be your heart's way of telling you that there is still a part of it that is not completely healed. A very good way to explore the hidden hurts in our heart is by talking through the process with others who have gone through it before us.

I know one girl who found a support group while going to Celebrate Recovery with her husband.  Not all areas have Celebrate Recovery groups. You might ask at your church for directions on where a good group might be. Another option is finding a mentor through Affair Recovery. The main thing is to find where your safe place is and go there as often as you need to.

 

support

How I would have loved to go to my Church when I discovered my husbands affair...but given the fact that our church is where they met and continued to go after each Saturday nite spent in each others arms...nope. I have had not one soul to talk to after 16 months, it still feels like yesterday. My husband was caught and then preceded to lie about it for months. Even now, it is never brought up without him getting angry. I've told him, doing nothing, not talking about this, will end us..he still thinks I will just move on. I have never gotten an explanation. After 25 years together. I am numb now. I no longer want to fix it.

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