Unrealistic Expectations Three months later my wife had a change of heart and decided to give it one chance at reconciliation. We attended EMS Weekend and my wife was involved in Affair Recovery Counseling. I also participated in the Affair Recovery Harboring Hope program. Slowly, over time, things turned around. Today, three years later, I am faced with the reality of what “recovery” looks like. It’s not exactly what I had expected. I expected my wife to turn into a perfect wife and for us to have a perfect marriage. I expected all the triggers and scars to fade to nothing. I expected my wife to crawl on her knees begging me for forgiveness. I expected the affair partner to apologize for the destruction he helped cause. I expected all our family and friends to rally around us. None of these have happened. I have finally accepted the fact that some of my expectations are unrealistic. We live in a fallen world and we deal with fallen people. How can I expect others to live up to a standard that even I can’t achieve? When I was finally able to see through the “fantasy” recovery I created, I was able to start loving my wife for who she is instead of who I wanted her to be. I know one day in the future I will hurt my wife again in some way. I know one day she will again hurt me in some way. I know that we will never have a “perfect” marriage. I know that we will never solve all the problems. That’s okay. That’s normal. Today I can honestly say our marriage has been restored and we both have grown stronger and healthier. We will deal with the struggles and challenges as they come. With God’s help, we will succeed.
