"I'm just like that"

Jim’s son Bobby just spilled chocolate milk on the carpet. Jim just cleaned the carpets last week. Jim is very upset. He loses his cool and yells and screams at Bobby. Bobby cowers in fear from his dad. Later Jim justifies his actions by saying “I have a temper” “I’m just like that”.

Suzie is scheduled to meet her friends at church at 10:00 am. At 9:55 Suzie is still putting her makeup on. Suzie shows up 10 minutes late. Her friends know Suzie is always late and are starting to get upset about her lack of consideration. Suzie says “I lost track of time” “I’m just like that”.

Bob has been married to Brenda for 11 years. Their sex lives have cooled since the honeymoon period. Brenda doesn’t have as much interest in sex since Bob started looking at pornography. Even knowing how much it hurts Brenda, Bob still continues to view porn and masturbate. Bob justifies his addiction and bad behavior by saying “I have a high sex drive” “I’m just like that”.

Barbara spends hours each day chatting online with guys from her online game and old boyfriends on Facebook. She flirts mercilessly and gets a real physical thrill from the sexual attention she receives in return. Steve, her husband, is embarrassed and humiliated by Barbara’s actions. He has asked her to stop but Barbara justifies her bad behavior by saying “It’s just harmless flirting” “I’m just like that”.

Did any of these scenarios hit close to home for anyone? I know they did for me. These dangerous, uncaring actions are reported in a majority of marriages and families in this country. Our selfish, worldly views have convinced us that only our thoughts, feelings and emotions matter. Our goal in marriage and life is to make “me” feel good and be “happy”. It’s too bad if our actions or words hurt others. Only “I” matter. So many times we justify these actions with the words “I’m just like that”. Temper, inconsideration, addictions and even infidelity are swept under the rug with these words. Unfortunately the reality is much worse. The pain is still there. The damage is still there. The cancer is not cured. Rick Reynolds, the founder of Affair Recovery, likes to say that all of us are “human wrecking balls”. We can do horrible things to those we love when we become selfish and repeat the lie “I’m just like that”.

You aren’t “just like that”. You were born moral and good. You were raised to care for others and to put others needs above your own. Don’t let the world change who you really are.

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"I'm just like that"

Erick - Your blogs are so insightful and so very helpful. This one really gets to the core of so many problems in a marriage. I am the betrayed spouse in our marriage and I can see clearly how both my husband and I have been behaving in this very selfish and uncaring way. It is too easy to fall back on saying, "I'm just like that," and I am so grateful to you for your insight. I am going to stop and think from now before I fall back on this excuse of "I'm just like that." Thank you so much for your blog. I realize this entry is a few years old now, but so very helpful and I am so glad I found your blogs.

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