Can This Be the Answer You Were Looking For?

Samantha prayed for years for our situation to change. Sadly, it never would till that obscure day, several years ago in August. Life would come crashing down in an instant. Life as we knew it would be radically changed not just overnight but forever. 

Friends, relationships, our house, income, you name it: gone overnight after being exposed.

Our situation was dysfunctional at best and was riddled with deception, justification, codependency, blindness and turmoil. No different than many, if not all of you, I’m quite sure.

I’ll never forget one day when Samantha was talking in Rick’s office and she began to weep and say, “I had prayed for change for years, but didn’t want it to come this way……but I’m forever grateful change has come.” 

True change, I guess it’s better said, true transformation requires sacrifice. It never should have been this hard to see change, but due to my own choices and darkness, I’m convinced it was harder than it needed to be. Yet, in the midst of what we were going through, change happened. It happened to me and it happened to Samantha. A change we never would have been able to find in our own strength or efforts.  

My usual and obligatory disclaimer comes in right here: forever it will be my fault the affair happened. The recovery process though, post affair, was as much about Samantha’s healing and transformation as it was mine. I caused it all, and Samantha was NOT the cause of the affair, but in the healing years that followed, we both changed and we both were able to find healing.

This was never the way Samantha wanted change for me and our family, but nonetheless it was the method in which absolute change happened. And it cost us almost everything except our three kids and each other. 

For you too today, this is probably not the way you wanted change to happen. It’s probably not the way you’d have designed it either. However, it is most definitely, without question, an opportunity to see change and true transformation for both you and your spouse. It’s the chance to reprogram and to rebuild the right way. I can’t guarantee you your spouse will be all in, or that even you will be all in, but I would encourage you to do all you can to get the right kind of help in the middle of your trauma. I’ve heard it said by the staff at Affair Recovery that the right kind of methods brings about the right kind of restoration. Yes it will most likely be expensive, and yes it will be inconvenient and more than likely without guarantee. But isn’t your life worth going forward even if it’s not going to turn out the exact way you’d like it to be? 

 

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True Change

I'm the betrayed. married 25 years, D-day July 2015. My husband's affair with an employee was revealed after he was cut out of the family business, and targeted by his father and brother in a smear campaign in our small community.

We had been very close to them, meeting at the father's home for church, along with other family members that also worked at this business.

My husband lost his father, church, business, and most of our assets that were tied up with them. Hurt, betrayal, back-stabbing, destructive gossip, all combined to break him.

One year after he was put out of the business he confessed to having a 3 year off and on affair with the bookkeeper that ended 6-9 months before he left. He was scared, afraid of losing me and our children.

I was/am devastated. Recognizing my instincts as valid led to more questions. Eventually (over several months) bringing to light that he has been unfaithful from before our engagement, including just days/weeks before the wedding.

I/we can relate to losing everything. I'm still unsure of the changes we are undertaking. We have five children at home, and I didn't consider leaving for a second when he first confessed. As time has gone by, more events revealed, I am feeling less sure of the right course. His response at first confession was remorseful, seemed empathetic. But communication has deteriorated since. I've pressed for his thoughts, feelings towards and about me during our early years. It leads to horrible destructive fighting that I didn't know we were capable of.

Change is happening. For me, no more stuffing concerns, fears, thoughts. I want reality. In all areas.

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