Can Your Fall Back In Love With Your Spouse?

Lately I have had many pose the question, “Do you think my spouse, who’s been unfaithful, can fall back in love with me again?”

It’s interesting that the betrayed spouse is asking this question, as they know their betrayer is distant and has allowed their heart to either temporarily or ultimately beat for another. With most affairs eventually and completely blowing up, many wonder if the damage can be restored and the carnage repaired.

The answer is a resounding YES, from personal experience.

Not only from a clinical perspective is it possible, but from a personal, experiential perspective, it is possible for our hearts to beat with passion, romance, and joy for our spouse whom we’ve betrayed, and possibly even fallen out of love with.

Upon D-Day (the day of disclosure of my affair), if you were to ask me if I was madly in love with my wife at the time, I think I’d have to be honest and say that I was not. I loved her. I also knew she was an exceptional, almost unparalleled mother to our children. She was a great best friend to several, and a very kind listening ear to many. But as a wife, I was unfulfilled due to my own self absorption and perpetual need for affirmation I had allowed in my life. My continual struggle to save our marriage had ultimately ended and I was simply living out the duplicity, with internal shame and confusion, cowardly allowing the affair to continue.

I can tell you though, with help from an EMS, and adjoining Hope for Healing Class, I am more in love with my wife Samantha than ever before. Not what I call “Tolerant Love” where you do your best to love your spouse simply for the kids. Not just what I also call “Acceptance Love” where you just accept that this is as good as it’s going to get, and begin to live out your passions and romance elsewhere.

But a passionate, joy filled love that continues to grow each and every year. If I had to name it I’d call it a “Never Thought This Could Exist Love.“ A kind of love that I never thought could be this rich, fulfilling, or even possible, after all we had been through, and how cold I allowed my heart to become.

From personal experience, I think I understand what it’s like as an unfaithful spouse who tried to make his marriage work. I think I have a handle on what it’s like to try and fail, try and fail, and ultimately give up and simply live in the duplicity and hopelessness of the situation with little hope for things to ever change.

Yet, I can assure you, regardless of how the affair has come about, or how it has been exposed, if you will take action, and begin to get help for your situation, I will say from personal experience, your marriage can be saved and redeemed.

Face the facts today friends, your situation is probably bigger than you and your own savior-like ability to fix, and requires that you reach out, get specialized help from proven techniques and programs, and start to heal.

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your story has brought me hope

I hurt the one I love so dearly. Everyday I'm trying to find the best therapist or organizations to help us thru my situation of infidelity. My baby forgave me , but I didn't I cry every day and as I type this. I self sabotaged my relationship and broke our hearts. Going to couples therapy and pray for a miracle for our love to come back. I fell out of love. Your story give me hope. Cant put a price on love .

falling back in love

Please tell me about these programs . Need to be guided back to being in love again with my baby. It would be a miracle . I fell out of love and trying to find my way back.

Want to be in love with my wife again

I am about 5.5 months out from last contact with the AP. Have to admit I think a lot about her and the fantasy and hurt she caused me.
I now seem to be ambivalent and want to get put of that but cant seem to let myself step forward out of this box I have created for myself.
I am scared to put in 100% because I dont want to hurt my wife again should it just not work. I dont feel the love I think I should! I love my wife, but cant seem to find the passion and caring and loving she deserves. Honestly and I deserve. I dont want to go back to what we had- I hated that. I want to have fun with and enjoy my wife and vice versa and if I cant then I want to let her go so she can find that happiness that I cant give her.
How do I find that passion and compassion again?

it will take a process

have you considered any of our courses?  you'll need an expert process my friend.  a way of moving forward slowly yet with expert help to unravel what's going on inside of you while also healing it and helping heal your wife.  there's no way around the process that you both need for healing and restoration.  without it, it will be very tough.  look at our weekend and/or online courses as they will help you both.  

unfaithful wife

My wife carried on a full blown affair with a married military officer for 3 1/2 years until he dumped her for someone new. We struggled with reconciliation but finally found our way back to a happy, loving, fulfilling marriage for 25 years. Then 5 years ago, she reached out to him again in the form of a birthday greeting. I was devastated and trust is forever broken. We have been in counseling, retreats, a Retrovai weekend, and though we are now married 44 years, I feel very ambivalent. I never got the truth or the full story. I never met or saw him though I have recently located his picture. He at one point when I found his email and asked him "why" he pursued my wife. He told me she didn't love him but desired him sexually, physically, mentally and emotionally and she felt nothing for me and only tolerated me while she enjoyed him.

Our intimacy is non existent at this point and as retirement looms in our near future, I'm not sure I want to try anymore. She obviously still has feelings for him since she attempted to reconnect with him and has notated over 25 times in her Bible, verses that reflect upon their affair. She says she loves me but actions speak louder than words. I am at a loss. I don't hate her and she is the only woman I have ever loved. I feel indifferent at this pint in my life.

Husband cheated but said only because he fell out of love w/me

We are 3 weeks into separation. He admitted to sleeping with his affair 1 time, do I believe him I don't know. He has only been in contact with her via phone and text and snapchat for what I can account 2 months. We've been together 27 years and this came out of no where for me. Says he loves me but not in love with me. Blames me for negative attitude that led to him feeling this way. I feel is isn't out of love with me but in lust with the excitement of the affair. He says he is going to his own personal counseling but her refuses to go to couples counseling, he refuses to stop contact with his affair partner and he is ignoring all friends and family. He sounds so hollow when we do have to speak. All he keeps talking about is wanting this divorce. Other things he says and does scream Mid Life Crisis is there hope for him to ever regret his actions and want to make our marriage work? Am I a fool for hoping? This is a man I've loved for more then half my life and I'm worried. This isn't a decision I can take lightly but when I asked him how he can he says ' I don't know I'm just not happy' Will he ever come to his senses ? Can my marriage be saved?

Same story

I feel for you as I'm in the same story. He slept with her twice and said it's over but I can't get access to his phone. He doesn't come clean on the actions and said he wants to be married still but no intemacy and I can't move on. He said ok to counseling but doesn't take any lead of wanting to try and work things out.

What type of affair was it?

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-D, Texas