Can Your Fall Back In Love With Your Spouse? Lately I have had many pose the question, “Do you think my spouse, who’s been unfaithful, can fall back in love with me again?” It’s interesting that the betrayed spouse is asking this question, as they know their betrayer is distant and has allowed their heart to either temporarily or ultimately beat for another. With most affairs eventually and completely blowing up, many wonder if the damage can be restored and the carnage repaired. The answer is a resounding YES, from personal experience. Not only from a clinical perspective is it possible, but from a personal, experiential perspective, it is possible for our hearts to beat with passion, romance, and joy for our spouse whom we’ve betrayed, and possibly even fallen out of love with. Upon D-Day (the day of disclosure of my affair), if you were to ask me if I was madly in love with my wife at the time, I think I’d have to be honest and say that I was not. I loved her. I also knew she was an exceptional, almost unparalleled mother to our children. She was a great best friend to several, and a very kind listening ear to many. But as a wife, I was unfulfilled due to my own self absorption and perpetual need for affirmation I had allowed in my life. My continual struggle to save our marriage had ultimately ended and I was simply living out the duplicity, with internal shame and confusion, cowardly allowing the affair to continue. I can tell you though, with help from an EMS, and adjoining Hope for Healing Class, I am more in love with my wife Samantha than ever before. Not what I call “Tolerant Love” where you do your best to love your spouse simply for the kids. Not just what I also call “Acceptance Love” where you just accept that this is as good as it’s going to get, and begin to live out your passions and romance elsewhere. But a passionate, joy filled love that continues to grow each and every year. If I had to name it I’d call it a “Never Thought This Could Exist Love.“ A kind of love that I never thought could be this rich, fulfilling, or even possible, after all we had been through, and how cold I allowed my heart to become. From personal experience, I think I understand what it’s like as an unfaithful spouse who tried to make his marriage work. I think I have a handle on what it’s like to try and fail, try and fail, and ultimately give up and simply live in the duplicity and hopelessness of the situation with little hope for things to ever change. Yet, I can assure you, regardless of how the affair has come about, or how it has been exposed, if you will take action, and begin to get help for your situation, I will say from personal experience, your marriage can be saved and redeemed. Face the facts today friends, your situation is probably bigger than you and your own savior-like ability to fix, and requires that you reach out, get specialized help from proven techniques and programs, and start to heal.
