Samantha prayed for years for our situation to change. Sadly, it never would till that obscure day, several years ago in August. Life would come crashing down in an instant. Life as we knew it would be radically changed not just overnight but forever. 

Friends, relationships, our house, income, you name it: gone overnight after being exposed.

Our situation was dysfunctional at best and was riddled with deception, justification, codependency, blindness and turmoil. No different than many, if not all of you, I’m quite sure.

I’ll never forget one day when Samantha was talking in Rick’s office and she began to weep and say, “I had prayed for change for years, but didn’t want it to come this way……but I’m forever grateful change has come.” 

True change, I guess it’s better said, true transformation requires sacrifice. It never should have been this hard to see change, but due to my own choices and darkness, I’m convinced it was harder than it needed to be. Yet, in the midst of what we were going through, change happened. It happened to me and it happened to Samantha. A change we never would have been able to find in our own strength or efforts.  

My usual and obligatory disclaimer comes in right here: forever it will be my fault the affair happened. The recovery process though, post affair, was as much about Samantha’s healing and transformation as it was mine. I caused it all, and Samantha was NOT the cause of the affair, but in the healing years that followed, we both changed and we both were able to find healing.

This was never the way Samantha wanted change for me and our family, but nonetheless it was the method in which absolute change happened. And it cost us almost everything except our three kids and each other. 

For you too today, this is probably not the way you wanted change to happen. It’s probably not the way you’d have designed it either. However, it is most definitely, without question, an opportunity to see change and true transformation for both you and your spouse. It’s the chance to reprogram and to rebuild the right way. I can’t guarantee you your spouse will be all in, or that even you will be all in, but I would encourage you to do all you can to get the right kind of help in the middle of your trauma. I’ve heard it said by the staff at Affair Recovery that the right kind of methods brings about the right kind of restoration. Yes it will most likely be expensive, and yes it will be inconvenient and more than likely without guarantee. But isn’t your life worth going forward even if it’s not going to turn out the exact way you’d like it to be?