If Time Doesn't Heal, What Does?

I have recently discovered the fun of Pinterest. I am still a little unsure of how to pin any random thing off of the web onto my board, so for now I have to be content browsing other people’s boards and repining interesting items that they have already gathered.

This afternoon as I was scanning through a friend’s board I found this quote to which she had added the comment “so true”:

It has been said that time heals all wounds.
I do not agree. The wounds remain.
In time the mind, protecting its sanity
covers them with scar tissue
and the pain lessons.
but it is never really gone.

--Rose Kenedy

My eyes were glued on her words for a good couple of minutes letting them sink in, feeling the weight of the sadness that she must have felt as she spoke them. Then it occurred to me that she is not alone. Certainly the circumstances surrounding her pain may be different than they are for others, but pain is pain, so I think her quote is worth considering. I suspect that many of us have heard, and perhaps even believed, this theory on heart wounds at some point in our life.

Let’s look at it a little closer together…

‘It has been said that time heals all wounds, I do not agree.’ Ms. Kennedy recognized the fallacy of this idea. While it does take time to heal, time alone has no power in and of itself. Something has to occur during that space of time in order for healing to take place. As Rick says, “It’s not time that heals, it is how you use the time.”

‘The wound remains’ Well, yes, if all you are doing is ignoring your pain and hoping by some magic that time will heal your wounds, they will indeed remain.

‘In time the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens’

OK, I am by no means an expert on this. I am not a counselor. I am simply a girl speaking out of my own experience, but to me, this is possibly the saddest part of the quote. Have you or any of your loved ones ever gone through a physically traumatic event? Perhaps a car wreck or even a surgery of some kind? Any doctor would tell you that we heal from the inside out. The deep tissue of our bodies needs to be in a healthy condition before any scar tissue can form. The worst thing for an infected wound would be for the outer layer of skin to heal before the deep tissue has.

Closing an unhealed wound creates a breeding ground for other issues down the road. Yes, you may feel better for the moment, but lurking beneath the surface is a deep wound that is tunneling it’s destructive little fingers into areas of your body that would have otherwise been left untouched had it been allowed to heal properly to begin with. Scars form over healthy tissue, not over wounds, and while they may occasionally feel tight or slightly uncomfortable, they generally are not covering over a hidden pain.

‘But it’s never really gone.’ Ms. Kennedy died in 1995 at the age of 104. From the outside she lived a full life. She was a part of a very powerful political family. She raised nine children, spoke several languages, was named the ‘best dressed woman in public life’ and was recognized for her ‘exemplary motherhood and many charitable works.’ But on the inside she carried around a hidden pain that never went away. If I could go back in time I would tell her how sorry I am that she had been so deeply hurt. I would tell her that she was right, time does not heal wounds. But hurting forever is not the only option, there is another one available. Yes, it is difficult. At times it may even feel like it is taking everything you have to stay on it. But in the end you will find healing and rest, and a happy heart that will allow you to enjoy the life that you are living.

While time indeed does not heal wounds, there is hope for those of us who have been wounded. Healing is possible. I know, because I have experienced it with Harboring Hope. And you can too. Find a safe place to open up and let your wound heal from the inside out. Don’t find yourself at age 104 still suffering from an unhealed heart. Commit to the process of healing until you are able to say that you are free from that deep guttural pain, and that the occasional pulling from your scar tissue serves only to remind you of the gift of healing that you have received rather than of the pain that is hiding underneath.

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do you think you were able to work through the pain easier because you separated from your husband?  did being away from each other help?

we never had time apart, and it's so hard to heal when you're in the same room and not being able to have what you had back when you want.....  it's like we're trying -- well, I'm trying -- too much to instantly replace what was broken with what was...and it's not working


I do not know if separation made healing easier for us or not. Separation can be a healthy thing in some situations. If you are considering this I would suggest talking to a counselor who has experience in infidelity recovery who can get to know you and your husband and walk through it with you.

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas