I’m Not that Bad…Am I?

I never thought in my wildest imagination that I would be “that guy.”

I was the last person most would have suspected of infidelity – including myself. I was not a “player.” I was not a monster. I was a good guy raised in a good environment with good values. My parents seemed to love one another and love my sisters and me. I wasn’t aware of any history of infidelity in my family. I had not been molested or experienced any trauma that could help me to explain away my behavior.

I always believed I loved my wife. When we got married 28 years ago I sincerely wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman. On my wedding day I had given myself to my wife with the full intention of loving and cherishing her until my heart stopped beating. I could not conceive ever cheating on her.

What happened? How could I do such a thing? What derailed me? What caused me to do the most hurtful thing to the very person I loved the most on this planet?

These questions kept running through my mind. They haunted me. I tried to minimize what I had done. I told myself I wasn’t as bad as some people. So I had “strayed.” That’s not the worse thing I could have done. It’s not like I had killed someone. Heck, my affair partner had even asked me to divorce my wife and run away with her. But did I? No! I chose to stay married (even though I did continue having the affair). Isn’t that worth something? Shouldn’t I be commended for that? Maybe I’m not as bad as some people say. Maybe I am good.

Or maybe, just maybe, I was trying to avoid the pain of facing the truth. Yeah - I was “that guy.”

At first I was very resistant to come to that conclusion. But with the help and counsel from Affair Recovery, I began to understand how I had gotten here. In doing so, I was actually able to take responsibility for what I had done. And in doing so, I could then take responsibility in my own healing as well as helping my wife to heal.

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