even more glad you're here and on the site and vlog.  thank you for posting.  don't give up my friend.  one day at a time, one moment at a time and you'll get through this.  

man, that's tough.  i'm so sorry for the pain and layers you're going through.  at some level, if you spill the mess it will complicate things even more as then you'll have the phone ringing off the hook even more, there will be more drama, more conversations etc and it will probably add to the mess of it all.  maybe one day down the road it can come out, or maybe down the road a while you can address it, but i would continue to protect yourself and your boundaries after all you've been through.  sometimes, there isn't a great answer but you've got to have thick skin and refuse to give in to the pressure being put on you.  i don't have easy one off answers for you, but it sounds like you have to continue to remain strong in your boundaries and not let them continue to geet involved more than they already are.  maybe, you can talk to your husband to and let him know that you're not going to allow this to become evn more of a soap opera and that if he can't stand up for you and protect you, you will be protecting yourself.  that may mean sharing more information, that may mean having direct, confrontive conversations with family members, that may mean some tough love for the entire family and that he needs to step up his game and protect you and come to your defense or things could get even more difficult.  

yes, there is absolutely hope.  but, and no disrespect, a csat alone isn't the answer.  you need high level, indepth care, like an intensive.  i would attend the ems weekend asap found here: https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend  then you're possibly going to need to consider something called EMDR which is for trauma care as you've certainly been traumatized and will need that.  it's probably best to consider that post-ems weekend, as at the weekend you'll be with trauma AND addiction experts.   i'm sure it feels hopeless my friend, but it's not and it doesn't have to be, but it will continue to feel that way until you get a comprehensive protocol like the ems weekend and then emdr.  i hope that helps.  happy to continue the dialogue with you. but nothing within your quick story says it's hopeless.  

it's normal to feel that way honestly.  and it's not been a super long time for those feelings to fade or be dealt with.  she felt that way too, but with time and healing she was able to cherish the objectivity of the moment if you will, as the kids were still feeling great joy and happiness and there was a beauty to the moment, that's been tarnished.   it's been crushed.  but, with time and forgiveness you'll be able to look back at that moment and appreciate what was there.  not now, and not till there is a great deal of healing and joy at what your marriage is NOW.  until that is there, it will be hard to look back and not have great despair about the realization of what was going on.  you can eventually cherish the kids and the moments and the joy, but it still stings.  the sting decreases immensely with time and healing.  have you done harboring hope on the site at all?  you can find it here: https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope  that will help you with memories and pain and forgiveness.  also, as you grieve through those memories you'll also be able to have more peace about those times.  once we were about 2.5 or 3 years down the road there wasn't as much sting as we were building new memories and they were overshadowing the pain of the past as the new was soo good and rich?  does that make sense?  sorry for the delay friend.