But We're Different

“But we’re different”

It’s touchy. You feel like no one is feeling what you’re feeling and like you’re out on this island all by yourself. You feel like your spouse is on a completely different island.

You feel like no one gets it.

You feel like no one understands. You wonder is there really any hope for your specific situation with all the carnage that has happened.  

I felt that way. Samantha felt that way. The idiosyncrasies to our fiasco wasn’t so simple,  normal or able to fit into some simple three step triage plan that you could read about on a generic marriage website.

We were right. We were a mess and our situation was highly complex.

But, I have to tell you, every situation is highly complex and messy. I don’t know that any situation is easy when it comes to healing from infidelity.

There are specificities to your recovery that are different than the next. There are unique needs your spouse has as well that must be addressed.

But, you’re not out there on an island without hope or help.

I’m not sure if you or your spouse is like me, but I was arrogant. I was prideful and felt like I was special. I felt like we couldn’t be helped and that I was in a dark hole. 

We found Rick and he graciously, lovingly acted as though it was just another session and situation and that there was more hope than we could dream of or realize.

He didn’t minimize our situation, but he did provide context to it and provide insight that this wasn’t impossible or without hope in the least bit. In short, he threw us a life preserver to get off the island.

Often times we think we’re so different than the next and that we are in the margin of treatment for infidelity.

If you see a general therapist, yes, you’ll probably forever be stuck in the margin.

When you see an expert, you’re in the sweet spot to what they treat and how they care for couples in crisis.  See this article for more help: /newsletter/founders/2010-05-infidelity-counseling

So I’d like to graciously and lovingly share with you today that you’re not the exception.  You’re not that different and that this is a safe place for you both to find healing and insight, even though your situation is so challenging and has such a unique twist to it. You can, in fact, find healing here. There is a life preserver here for you as well. It’s more than possible to find hope here, regardless of how many years out you are from the affair or disclosure or even the multiple affairs and probably multiple attempts at disclosure. Don’t allow the challenges of your situation to marginalize you and make you feel like no one gets it. There is a community and there is a support system of people and experts who get it and get you and can help provide context for you and your healing.  The support system can also provide unique insight into what may seem hopeless.  

It’s been nine plus years. When I tell people our story, they gasp. (Yes, they really do actually gasp)

We are walking miracles.  You too can be walking miracles.  Get off the island today, my friends, and immerse yourself here for context, guidance and support.

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-D, Texas