Choosing How the Pain Affects Us

Samuel shares insight into the choice we have in dealing with the pain of infidelity.

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Wife cheated

Hi Samual. I dont know if you will get this and where I will go to get my reply.
My wife cheated on me 8 months ago two days in a row. The second day was on my sons 5th bday.
Now I was starting to be ok when I found out on the 19th of July of the first day she went there. My issues is images of them together and I cannot get it out of my mind. I do love her but for the last few weeks the more I think of it the more I have anger outbursts and fights with her and she justifies it saying I was never showing her I loved her and no hugs and kisses.
When she justifies it I feel she is trying to tell me she liked it and is happy she had the experience.
How do I see my wife again without what she was doing to and with this guy. They did not even know each other. They met once briefly at her work and he sent her sexual messages and she responded. Then she contacted him after two weeks of not hearing from him to go to his house and have sex. She knew because she bought new underwear for the occasion that morning.
Please say something. What does that sex have to do with her emotional needs not being met ?
Thank you for all your wonderful posts so far.
Corne

hi corne...

thanks for the post.  there are no quick and easy answers my friend.  it's painful as can be I'm quite sure.  for starters, you need to get expert help and start the process to healing for both of you.  i would ask you to consider doing the ems weekend so you both can get the help you need.  she can come to see things for what they are and you can get the attention you need for your own healing and dealing with reminders and triggers.  this will be a process for both of you and it will take time, expert help, and patience with the process. here is the ems weekend:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend   everthing you've explained is normal and to be expected but you can't heal from it overnight and you can't heal without a plan and protocol.  here are some articles on why spouses actually do cheat: https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-unfaithful-why-did-they-cheat-part-one-the-role-of-oxytocin  those will help.  will she get help?  will she agree to getting the help she and you need or what do you think????

 

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