Do the Unfaithful Get Away with it All?

What about the unfaithful, do they just get away with it all? Today Samuel discusses and confronts the desire for revenge in the heart and mind of the betrayed.

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do the unfaithful get away with it

i have only listened to about 2 mins of this blog but could not listen to more due to internet access problems at my side
but i know this is an AWESOME blog clip - watch it - this bloke Samuel - I think he knows what he is talking about
however bear in mind he is talking about situations where there is still dialogue
where there is no dialogue i would question
none the less this blog is amazing

do the unfaithful get away with it

ok
so now i have watched the whole of this
I am "the betrayed"
this is an AMAZING clip to watch
this guy is just amazing
no other way to explain it
forwarding it on in the UK

unfaithful suffering

Thank you so much for this blog and all your blogs. I am the unfaithful. I can attest to all you are saying. I have triggers too. I can't tell you how many times daily that I hurt. It may just be looking out the window at a beautiful sunny day then the thought of my family spending time together on a vacation then the thoughts of what I did to destroy them invade me. At least once a day I cry. Sometimes I just have to go in the bathroom, close the door, sit on the floor and sob. I hate what I did. Seeing an older couple at church and thinking that could've been us. Seeing friends who are happily married and sending their kids off to college and excited about a new life together and then knowing I destroyed ours. I love my wife so much and am so thankful she hasn't left or forced me to leave. She is incredible. However I see the pain in her face daily. She was everything a wife should be. She approached marriage with the right attitude, dedicating herself to me and the kids. She even blamed herself at first. She told me that years ago she could sense something was wrong but knew I wasn't the problem so it must be her. She prayed about it. She tried to change herself. She put the work into our marriage and all the while it was me. I was the problem. I've destroyed her spirit. She was the most wonderful soul and God entrusted her to me and I failed. I can't let her see my pain because that's not fair to her. However much pain I feel I'm sure that's nothing compared to hers. It's not fair to her, if she is having a "good day" for me to bring her down with my pain. And also, and this is the selfishness again, I don't want to get into another discussion that could lead to flooding, etc. that just causes more pain. I hate to sound like I'm trying to be the victim or make this about me because the problem all along has been my selfishness but I can say that I feel tremendous pain and can only imagine her pain, which makes me hurt even more.

UNFAITHFUL SUFFERING

Some might disagree, but show her your pain. Allow her to comfort you. Let her see that you feel what you did. I am the betrayed and my husband has dealt with everything by remaining emotionally shut off. Somehow it would be healing to me to know that he does hurt from what he has done, other then the getting caught part. It would comfort my heart to know that when he sees an older couple that he thinks the same thing that I do, Will that be us?
Just my thoughts, but by "hiding" this part of you from her you are still only allowing your self to be conditionally known. And from a woman that is stilling on the other side of a person that hides this (or maybe in my case he does not feel these things, the issue is I don't know,) it feels as if you did get away with it. Like the burden of pain is carried only by the betrayed person,

excellent observation...

SLM, that's an excellent observation and i firmly agree. it's part of processing the shame and retreating from the moment we have to bond with our mate and share our private world. it's vital to see that our spouse knows we are hurting and in pain and in grief for what we've done, but we're very apt to be 'selfish with our shame' meaning, we are apt to keep our shame private and not share it or expose it and keep it stuffed down. it only makes it worse for sure. connection is established many times through the expression of pain. they seeing you hurt. you seeing them hurt and then bonding together. thank you for sharing this. i may do a whole blog on your point which is a great point. not always well received by betrayed spouses as you can imagine but spot on. thank you for reading and posting.

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