i have only listened to about 2 mins of this blog but could not listen to more due to internet access problems at my side
but i know this is an AWESOME blog clip - watch it - this bloke Samuel - I think he knows what he is talking about
however bear in mind he is talking about situations where there is still dialogue
where there is no dialogue i would question
none the less this blog is amazing

ok
so now i have watched the whole of this
I am "the betrayed"
this is an AMAZING clip to watch
this guy is just amazing
no other way to explain it
forwarding it on in the UK

Thank you so much for this blog and all your blogs. I am the unfaithful. I can attest to all you are saying. I have triggers too. I can't tell you how many times daily that I hurt. It may just be looking out the window at a beautiful sunny day then the thought of my family spending time together on a vacation then the thoughts of what I did to destroy them invade me. At least once a day I cry. Sometimes I just have to go in the bathroom, close the door, sit on the floor and sob. I hate what I did. Seeing an older couple at church and thinking that could've been us. Seeing friends who are happily married and sending their kids off to college and excited about a new life together and then knowing I destroyed ours. I love my wife so much and am so thankful she hasn't left or forced me to leave. She is incredible. However I see the pain in her face daily. She was everything a wife should be. She approached marriage with the right attitude, dedicating herself to me and the kids. She even blamed herself at first. She told me that years ago she could sense something was wrong but knew I wasn't the problem so it must be her. She prayed about it. She tried to change herself. She put the work into our marriage and all the while it was me. I was the problem. I've destroyed her spirit. She was the most wonderful soul and God entrusted her to me and I failed. I can't let her see my pain because that's not fair to her. However much pain I feel I'm sure that's nothing compared to hers. It's not fair to her, if she is having a "good day" for me to bring her down with my pain. And also, and this is the selfishness again, I don't want to get into another discussion that could lead to flooding, etc. that just causes more pain. I hate to sound like I'm trying to be the victim or make this about me because the problem all along has been my selfishness but I can say that I feel tremendous pain and can only imagine her pain, which makes me hurt even more.

I have found that vengeance or revenge only makes me more bitter and resentful. What I want from my husband is too comfort me, to soothe me and to love me. I don't want him to suffer, I want him to care that I am suffering.