It's like you were in our living room last night eavesdropping!!

Here's our situation, and IT WOULD MAKE FOR A GOOD FOLLOW UP BLOG for today!

My unfaithful husband is doing so much to keep me safe, for example, calling me when he arrives at work, driving a longer route (2 extra miles, totaling 5 minutes) to avoid driving by female coworker's home, with whom there was infidelity.

HERE'S THE PROBLEM: when my husband gets mad at me during a fight, he tells me he's going to stop doing these extra loving gestures of safety.

Yesterday we had a fight and he left for work and said he was going to drive by the coworker's house and not call me when he arrived at work.

It hurt so much. It's like he takes back these "gifts " of safety, and turns them into weapons when he's mad at me during one of our infidelity fights.

It scares me so much the way he retaliates against me during a fight. I feel so unsafe when he does this.

Can you do a follow up blog on this?

This blog today was incredibly helpful!! Thank you!!

Once again you have done an outstanding job. This is STILL an area that my husband struggles in. And after D-day in one of your videos you mentioned one thing you had to do was put the trash out for pick up. For over 20 YEARS I either did this job or had to request it be done. Forever my husband could not understand what the big deal was when I told him trash and recycle run on Tuesday and this is now your job. HELLO if you can't remember when the trash runs how am I suppose to believe you when you tell me NOW you will remember YOUR MARRIED. DEAR UNFAITHFUL'S this is one of the EASIEST ways to restore some TRUST factors. Take on a household task that you did not normally do and DO THE TASK. Heck set an alarm in your phone, write it in your planner, or set some sort of reminder. SHOWING your hurt partner you can be TRUSTED to take out the trash and put it at the curb, first is very metaphoric and second is one less thing their traumatized brain has to remember to get done.

Thank you Samuel and you used the line I have said during all of recovery, DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO, WHEN YOU SAY YOUR GOING TO DO IT. I have lived my life by that and found it to be pretty easy to stand by,

SLM

This is SO needed! I keep trying to tell him what I NEED to see and feel a change. He chooses to do what he wants. He feels that just EMSO with therapy is enough recovery, but he has made ZERO progress in finding the root of the problem. All his promises to read books and reflect and answer deeper questions or show vulnerability in a non confrontational way never pan out. He does basic husband chores, but nothing, not a single thing to make me feel special or like I matter, and never did in our whole marriage.