I Didn't Want to Go Home

Samuel gets personal today sharing his own story of ambivalence.

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I'm 11 months post D-Day and this was a God send. Just this past week I was so frustrated with my inability to win my wife back. To have her want me and us again. It seemed I was spiraling down from Frustration to Anger to Depression. I'm ashamed to say I even snapped at my kids which cause them to cry in fear (I apologized and we all hugged and cried together). I couldn't put words to my feelings and emotions. Yes things have calmed down from an anger standpoint of my wife towards me, but I've been paralyzed in not waning to have those deep talks that can lead to the unzipping of wounded areas of myself. I have instead, gone for keeping the peace, let's just relax and watch TV, and as good as that can be, it's not going to bring the fruit I so desperately want. Not wanting to read the books on Betrayal again. Not wanting to serve my wife and kids, who don't seem to see how hard I'm trying. All my emotions point to me, and what I want and what I need. And as you pointed out so well, that's exactly what got me here. I felt the exact same frustration with life and depression and not feeling good about who I was, before all of this blew up. And now I so desperately want to be the mature man of steel and courage that I have desired to be for so long in my life.
Thank you again for your blogs. They make a huge difference.
Many Thanks and Much love

your situation is so common....

i get it mike.  brings back memories my friend.  completely normal for sure.  i'm so glad you're not staying down.  we all all down, but only a few get back up again and it's tough.  getting up again is humbling for sure, for both spouses, and your desire to get up and get back at it is courageous brother.  don't quit.  keep getting up and keep fighting.  warriors fight, but babies (self included) continue to feel sorry for themselves.  standing with ya my friend.  

Loved this video!

Thanks for another great video. You are a very compelling speaker. I really like this topic. As a betrayed I have gone through so many different emotional cycles and watched my husband go through his own. For me there was Shock, then I love him and I’ll make him remember how great we are together, loathing him for not having felt repulsed in acting out because it went against everything we stood for as a family and couple, then finding hints to happiness, then sadness that there is no waking up from this nightmare, now acceptance but wondering if I will ever love him without doubts or “enjoy” him as you so perfectly said. I have and still do sit at a the metaphorical red light. Not as often, but I keep turning toward home, because I really do want to believe there could be more on the other side. My husband is working harder at this than anything else I think he’s ever done. I know that it’s not easy on either side. How long would you say you and your wife felt the relationship was out of “recovery” phase. Where it felt sort of like normal life again that didn’t revolve around recovery?

hi there.....

in terms of recovery phase and what not, there was moments and seasons where we felt normal.  but not for too long. i would say it was a good two years or so before we felt normal and out of the triage nature of it all.  but then again you have to know that it's normal for things to trigger you or affect you, but you snap back so much quicker. i'm talking hours, rather than days or a week etc.  so I would say it takes about 12 to 24 months to return to a sense of normalcy and that you're not in recovery mode, depending on the severity of the infidelity and collateral damage surrounding it.  hope that helps you.  thanks for watching and posting and such kind words. 

Marriage saving. I am so grateful. Thank you

Thank you once again Samuel for such a sincere and genuinely selfless video. The raw earthly emotion and compassion you show is truly felt and appreciated so much.

My wife of 18 years (together 23 years) and I remain living apart after her affair. D Day was just over 7 months ago. We keep in contact regularly though with shared parental responsibility and have been making slow but steady progress in our recovery. By far the most helpful resource for us has been your vlog and the abundant information in Revovery Library.

I suggested my wife view this video after watching it myself earlier today. She phoned just moments ago in tears saying she would do whatever it takes to reconcile our marriage. It was the first time she has said that to me. It was just incredible to hear. It has clearly touched her heart and soul in exactly the way she needed. I just had to share this with you.

Samuel from my heart to yours thank you so much for the wonderful work you do and a big thank you to everyone at Affair Recovery.

God bless you all.

wow paul...

that's pretty amazing to read my friend. i'm honored to be a part of the recovery process for you all.  that's just incredible to read that this little video blog can touch people that way.  gives me great hope and encouragement.  means so much to me that you'd post this and encourage me.  it really really does.  take care my friend.  take it one day at a time, slow and steady.  you're not done!  so thankful.


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-D, Texas