I totally understand this mentality! I lived there for quite a while. Wishing that he and the affair partner would both feel the pain that they inflicted upon both myself and her husband. Both couples have stayed together and are working on both marriages, but due to proximity of where we all live, run ins have happened. It has been exhausting at times to contain the anger and hurt from those interactions, on top of dealing with the actual healing from infidelity. It is hard to believe at times that they could ever truly feel the true extent of the pain, when (in my own mind) they could still draw on memories to romanticize over. So it became what I considered my obligation to remind him of what he did and the hurt he caused in hopes of hurting him.
I would also warn against this! Eventually the feeling are fading for revenge, but it evolved into a crutch. It became an urge that I should constantly remind him of the pain, so that it would prevent him from doing it again. Which also will not fix what happened or prevent it. It took me a while to learn from this. I hope others can avoid that trap! It truly does delay our own recovery and it does nothing to help the marriage. I love your videos and I hope more and more people truly take to heart what you are saying. It’s so much easier to learn from others mistakes or missteps than to recover from our own.