Who Am I, Now, after Infidelity?

Samuel shares pointed thoughts on rediscovering ourselves after infidelity.

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Thanks again

Thank you again for another very helpful video. We are nearing three years since the original d-day. As the BW I still wonder who I am because of this, will I make this portion of my life into a positive. I feel like all I’ve done in three years is survive. Putting so much of my energy into the marriage survival. Now that it seems more stable, I look at myself and think “surely I can do better than this for my own healing”.
How long do you feel your wife took to truly feel the trauma was behind her and she could fully be present? I love the two year timelines but my lack of trauma work clearly made that totally unrealistic expectation.

Discovering who I am

This was encouraging to me, the betrayed, because after nearly one and a half years since D day, I am changing the course of my fight. I fought this whole time for recovery, amends, disclosure, remorse. I never got any of it. He thinks because he "stopped doing all the things he did" that that was enough. I tried to push, pull, persuade him this whole time into recovery, disclosure, therapy. None of it worked. So, I am tired, tired of begging and demanding. After all, if I have to beg for remorse and amends then what meaning is there in that anyway? So, I am working on me now, becoming the new me. Forging ahead into my new life without him. Working on dealing with never receiving it in my life and trying to figure out how to be o.k. with that. There are adult children involved too. They too have received nothing, only "I've changed, can't you see I've changed and isn't that good enough, nothing is ever good enough." A lot of these words I have heard in Samuel's videos, and I hear them in my situation.
He thinks that one can destroy a family, then "stop" the behavior, no explanations, no remorse, no recovery, and that everyone should just "move on." Well, finally, after over a year, I am moving on, moving on to discover who I am, and who I will be without this relationship that was a decades long (most of my life) relationship. But I know the One that will Never leave me, nor forsake me, and I am putting my trust in Him. I am no longer begging for remorse or amends, it should have been a free will offering, offered up by the one that destroyed me/us, but alas, it was not so I have to be strong enough to leave it all behind.

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-D, Texas