hi there.  i feel your pain for sure.  i'm sorry it's so hard to find one that's a great fit.  you may try amanda for phone counseling as she's been through it before and someone i'd consider an expert:  https://www.healingaffairscounseling.com/about/

would be a great place to start and if not, i'd look for someone in your are and ask them:

1. how long have they been treating inf, 2. what specific training have they been through 3. what processes they use and 4. how many couples have they worked with that have been through inf. 

hey shell0511, it was a combo of things over time, but he was quick to always point out "samuel, who put you here???? who made these choices???? whose fault is this?????  you could have done a million other things than have an affair right?"  he would always lovingly but directly put me on the straight and narrow.  he would hear me, but when i was a baby or when i was callous or when i was just plain wrong, he would tell me i was and help show me that "look, samantha's life has been turned upside down for YOUR actions....not hers, his theirs or whatever, YOURS."  things like that.